just_me

2008-07-29T00:33:00.004+08:00

hi there...sorry for not updating..wasn't feeling good emotionally for the past few weeks...but i'm better now..i guess the difference in the past and now is that i never deny God's power and HIs existence and the fact that He's the only true and living God that have the authority to do miricles..
it's not an overnight revelation..it took me bout 2years to understand that God will still and always be God no matter what happen..figure out throughout the past years...why dun we be at God's side since we know we can't "win" Him if we go against Him..eh..
another lesson i learnt is, when we dont know who Jesus is..life can be so easy..no one to really "control" your life..you can do things you want..right or wrong..maybe to you everything is right as long as you dun go against the law..but God is above the laws...
then after we know who Jesus is..then life start to get in order..He got to tune us back to the right track..and the process can be..or maybe...but for me is a challenging one..a hard one..many ppl thinks that being a Christian has no freedom..well, that's not thru...Freedom is being able to make a right choice..to chose to do the right things in the sight of God...is when you have the authority becos Jesus have given us the Holy spirit...to be freed from our bad habits or bad characters...we are set free from all the bondages..we gain freedom..we gain new life...we gain joy..love and peace in our life...come to think of it...Jesus is just like a traffic light...making sure everything is proper on the road..guiding the cars (our life) and etc.
and if you know who is Jesus but you deny Him..maybe becos of disappointed...frustration..upset that things got bad after becoming a christian..prob seems to be more then before..then you decide to deny Him...decide to go back to who you were in the past so free and easy..thinking that life will be back to "normal"..but that's not true AT ALL...it's my life experience...(that's why i dare to say it's not true)..things will only get worst day by day...
Humans have emotion...when we are down...we are down...can't expect us to be strong suddenly after a day...Jesus wont want us to wear this fake mask before Him...He wants the true us to come before Him..trials and problems dun come to make us fall..it happens to make us grow..to make us strong..to remind us that we got to rely on God..
when there is up..there will be down...when there is down..there will be up..
it's only when there are down...then we will appreciate the times when we are high up there...
jia you ba guys..jia you ba....Joanne =)...

2008-07-04T11:30:00.002+08:00

Hi there,
I've uploaded some photos taken during the mission trip..it's dated 25th june..i actually did a draft on the 25th but didn't finish it...so now it's completed..pls scroll down to that post for the pics..

2008-07-02T00:40:00.003+08:00

life have been stagnant for me..be it in reality or spiritually...
but at least i'm working now..not really working thou..cos it's only like 2hour per day..in the evening...didn't know it's in the evening at first..kinda sian after knowing it cos it's only in the evening when i can meet my sis for dinner and it's when my parents are back from work..so in the day i'll still be alone and at night i'll be working.. =(
but i shan't complain so much cos this job came to me...i didn't search for it..and it pays well too..

can't seem to be still..can't seem to quiet down...can't really worship...and it shucks..
how will one feel if other's dun appreciate your care and concern but instead says that ur're interfering...have i gone overboard?..i really dun think so...
"there's nothing wrong with my life"...is this a familiar phase and tots humans have...are you sure there's nothing wrong or you're just running away from ur life?...putting unsolved issues behind and moving forward..moving forward is right but what about the unsolved issues?...against what standards and measures, yours or God's, are you using to say that your life is right and you are doing the right things?...

i dun know what to say and do..i tried but it backfired...i dunno why it hurts so much..but it's just so disappointing...maybe becos the care and concern is really from my heart and not that i'm judging..or critizing..maybe i'm just sick of the attitudes..maybe maybe maybe...ha..

many ppl seems to be alright...on the surface but they aren't really fine inside...and i know that..but what can i do then?...i dunno how to encourage..i dunno how to help...teach me dear Lord...
u know what oh Lord...i really hope they will cont. to rely and trust u...thou probs and obstacles are ahead but if they are still focusing on you..i'll be glad already...thou i can't do anything to help them..i know you can...cos nothing is impossible for you..nothing is too big or too small for you..so my dear friends...rem to slow down your pace and spend time with Jesus...He will give you the strenght when u are tired or weak...He will renew and refresh u...He will guide and protect you..He will embrace and comfort you..HE will be your rock..jia you ba!!

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes, it's leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruits. Jermiah 17:18

2008-06-27T13:36:00.002+08:00

One of the song sang by the baka youth during their sunday service..
it was a song that touch many of our hearts...
and this shall be a song to remind myself and the rest how great is His love....How He is willing to walk with us through our bad times..how He is willing to embrace us..do not give up...do not give up...
i've uploaded the song into my playlist too...song number 54...

有一天
有一天你若觉得失去勇气，
有一天你若真的想放弃。
有一天你若感觉没人爱你，
有一天好像走到谷底。

那一天你要振作你的心情，
那一天你要珍惜你自己。
那一天不要忘记有人爱你，
那一天不要轻易说放弃。

这个世界真有一位上帝，
他爱你，他愿意帮助你。
茫茫人海，虽然寂寞，
他爱能温暖一切了我。
这个世界真有一位上帝，
他的双手渴望紧紧拥抱你。
慢慢长夜陪你走过，他爱你，
伴你一生持久。

2008-06-26T02:01:00.005+08:00

this was suppose to be an entry for the pictures taken during the mission trip...but it wont be for now...
it's been so long since i cried so hard....
it's been so long since i had that sour feeling in me...the sourness that starts from the heart and it just affect the rest of my body...
the giant that is sleeping inside me...i tot it was gone...it's been a year plus...never did i realise it wasn't gone...it's just sleeping...
i forget how it felt..but now i remembered...
i once said b4 it's time for me to bless others..to encourage and strengthen them...but i doubt i can...
i tot i can do it with God's grace...but i realise it's hard...it's funny that only yesterday my ex-lecturer from TP asked if i'm a strong christian now..and i answered yes...but now...i think i'm not...
why did i always turns the table around...feels like i'm trying to run away...i am suppose to encourage and be there..but instead...i took pity of myself and started turning the whole situation around...how then will the other party be strong again if he or she has to encourage me instead...i should be strong...to stand firm in the gap and pray for them..why then did i fall..this shouldn't be the way...
i asked God to take away all that He has done for me...for i'm not strong enough to be the one helping others...a year of freedom but what have i done ...who have i really helped and blessed..
the aches just can't go away...
don't ask me about this entry...this entry shouldn't even exist.....
though i'm like that now...i'm not saying God is fake....HE is still the same yesterday..today..and forever...but i disallow myself to be with Him...for this period of time...
I know He is still a Great God...Faithful and Just...
i tot i can handle..just pray and lift it up to God...but it's so hard...i'm not that strong afterall...
i'm not going to give up God...but for now....let me be...

I'm sorry i'm such a failure...instead of encouraging and being there for you...i myself fell too...i really dun wan to fall...i want to be a blessing to others and not a burden...i want to help you...i want to help the guys...but i'm not able to...pls dun blame yourself...i have to learn to fall and stand up again...same goes to you....dun let all these beat you down...no weapons form against us will prosper for our God is with us...yes...He may seems far now...becos of all the probs.....but we both know He's just beside us...dun give up gal...

the scariest thing is not bout falling down...but it's bout not getting up after u fall...it's hard to do it alone...let God help you..be under His wings..He will shield and protect you...
currently listening to song 48. on my playlist...because your loving kindness is..how i wish..i can sing this song now...

2008-06-25T11:55:00.019+08:00

On the way to Chiangmai..looking out from the plane..

The monster truck tt conquer the mountains!!..lOl

Inside the Jeep..can u see the road ahead??..i doubt so..

My friends having a great time behind the truck..ha..
Mountains..mountains..and more mountains...
The road up the mountains..so far so good..at least the road are still made of concrete..

Cristal with the HuayHok children =)

Praying for the adults..The lady is wearing her traditional costume..How well they present themselves when comes to church service..thou it's just for an hour or two..their respect and honour for God is something we must learn.

Their classrooms..

Our sleeping area..

Us with some of the HuayHok village family..

On our way down the Baka village..told u le..God is such an amazing painter...

The church cum hostel for the youth

The open area where we perform our skit...

Getting ready for the skit..

One of the scene..Ivan as Jesus is on the way to calvary with Jacky and Robin as roman soliders beating and mocking him..

Paul (left) with uncle Thomas (Right). Paul is our driver from thailand. He is also a Christian.Really wanna thank him so much for helping us throughout..especially when our trucks got stuck in the mud..Paul must be an angel send by God... =)

The church in Baka village..sunday service..

See how they just dance before God during worship..

Fruitful Vine church with Pastor Lee, his wife and their baby boy...
Fruitful vine youth with the youth from Baka..

2008-06-19T23:48:00.010+08:00

Hi there, I'm back from mission trip!
Emmanuel - God With Us...indeed..He is with us all the time..Let me share with u guys how God sees us thru this trip..*Ps. it will be a super long entry!!*

Day 1
one of my church member actually forgot to check his passport...only got 5mths validity..oh man...blur him..ha...early in the morning at 7am...we gathered tgt in the airport and started praying...pray tt God will forgive our carelessness and that the singapore and thailand authority will allow him to pass..and yup!...Both singapore and thailand gave the green light.. =)

after reaching thailand at bout 10.30am..we hop on to our jeeps..there's 2 4by4 wheel drive jeep and 2 2by4 wheel drive car...squeeze in all our luggages into one of the car becos that's the only one that have shelter on the back..hmm..the journey there was long man..we stop for lunch at bout 2plus?...can't really rem...then we're off to pick pastor Lee and he led us to the village...at the top of the mountains...it started to rain heavily..and some of us got worried becos the road up the mountains aren't made of cement...but mud..red mud..i was kinda alright..maybe i like adventure ba..eh..but the reason must be God's peace and assurance...after the pour...guess what...we saw a rainbow...thou it was quite faint...but i smile..rainbow...God's convenant..His promise..somehow..i know...God will be with us throughout..

the roads were really scary..bumpy and wet...some of our vehicle can't drive up the steep mud road due to the uneven and wet mud...there was once the jeep infront of mine slided backwards..ha...no joke...we were quite worried for the cars at our back..the 2by4 car with all our luggages..it must have added much weight to it...Pastor Lee, being more experience, have to walk down the mountain to drive it up for us...it was a sign of relieved when we saw all the 4vehicles arrived...i dunno about the rest..but while waiting..i prayed that God will bring them up safe and sound..that His angels will watch over and carried them up..and again...God did it...

after the long and challenging journey finally we reach HuayHok village...i must tell you...i almost teared...not due to the car journey but the warm welcome the children (12yr and below) have given to us...they just cheered and clapped their hands upon seeing us!...so heart-warming..

had a quick dinner and then the night service..they waited for us to start the service..our pastor preach for awhile and we started praying for the adults and the children there...

Again i thank God for giving me the courage to pray for the children..maybe becos i dunno them that's why i dare to pray..i dunno..i prayed in chinese..haha..after that the children was brought to another room..sis cristal told them story from the bible and our adults made balloon for them...

the children were so adorable..so simple..so lovely...

Day 2

i didn't really sleep in the night..thanks to the mosquito and the rooster..haha...the view from the mountain top is just magnificant..God is such a wonderful painter i must say...imagine there were clouds below where you are...and you are just among the clouds..so beautiful...the people over there are really nice..they cooked so much for us...i believe what they have provided us for a meal is enough for them for maybe 3 meals?..althought they have not much to give but all these are enough...their hospitality..come from within their heart...

after breakfast we cont. our journey downhill to another village...Baka village..it's actually a youth hostel..the children from huayhok..after finishing their primary school education will have to travel downhill for their secondary school education..this Youth hostel is for them to stay so that their journey will be shorten..

it was about 3plus pm and most of the youth wont around..there's another church organization from singapore there also..they were there to teach them chinese..

we had our lunch there and we were brought to a resort...pastor Lee booked it for us...we rest for awhile after that...prepared our logistic for our skit...

had dinner at the hostel then we proceed to an old school where the night service will be held..

the service started with some songs led by pastor lee's wife and it's our skit..

Thank God...everything went really well...our pastor said there's annointing in our skit..i thank God for that...except for the song we sang that went out of tune..ha...everything was great..then there is preaching and praying...many ppl responded to the altar call...then we went to pray for the youth and the children...and guess what...God timing is always just right...right after we said our closing prayer..it started to rain..just in time to look for shelter..haha..

the rain got heavy and light now and then...and our drivers(church members) decided to drive down the 4vehicle that we have parked at the hostel..the journey is only about 8mins?..but we waited for at least an hour...all of us wondered what happen...we were thinking coming down the mountain should be easiler then going up..until we managed to contact one of our church member...he told us 2car got struck in the mud..

oh man..no joke again..going downhill..again we started praying...finally one of the driver arrived and he told us what happen..He's the first car to drive down...at the first gear..without pressing the accelerator..the car skidded down..he got to brake and stay still if not the car will have skidded more. another vehicle at the back have to tie a rope to the car to pull it up..but it got struck also..it was raining heavily then and all of them have to put rocks and bricks on the mud in order for the car to travel down the right path..after hearing these..yes...we prayed...we can do nothing there...but just to pray for God's hands to protect them..

at last..all of them arrived...wet and muddy all over...tired and exhausted...their shoe broke too..

we were all so thankful to our dear Lord...i must say it's a prayerful 2days for me...so many time we couldn't do or help..but just pray and believe...

Day3
it's our last day at Baka village..it's a sunday..and so we join the youth for their sunday service..they were so open when it comes to praise and worship..they clap..they dance...they aren't bothered bout who's around them...with all their heart, soul and mind..they praise and worship the Lord.

after lunch...we're off to chiangmai...we reached the hotel at bout 9plus pm...ate our "dinner" at bout 10plus...eh..then walk round the night market for awhile and back to the hotel..

the hotel was good..4stars..how i wish i can bring the bed home..haha..

Day4
it's our recreation day...we went to sit elephant ride..ox ride..and rafting..it was actually a very slow and peaceful ride along the river...but i fell into the river..haha..silly me..got all wet...lucky the river was shallow..i swam to the side off the raft and my friend, paul pulled me up..i was the joke of the day..everyone was like "annoucning to everyone la...lol

then we went to a resturant which sells all kinds of tibits and sharkfin and birdnest...i didn't eat them..just bought some tibits..

lastly we went to a shop which sells honey..all kind of honey..

sometime happened which almost made me cried..i was sad...or maybe disappointed...i remembered saying i'm going to the toilet..but now i can't rem if i said to a particular person or just say it out to...everybody..or maybe...nobody...eh..maybe they didn't hear me..and all left the shop..to the bus..off they go...i was panic when i can't see them in the shop..plus i didn't recognise the bus...went in and out of the shop a few times until i saw familiar ppl on a bus which is slowing down..and yes..they were doing headcount after starting off..then realise i was missing..well..
sat behind the bus...controlling my tears...it's over..can't blame anyone..maybe i should have just told the organizer...like i said..it's over..i still love all of you guys..=)

Day5
last day...had breakfast and off we go...to the airport..reached singapore at bout 4pm...

all in all...i bought a fake puma shoe..a 44L backpack for myself..a skirt for sis..and DFS wine for my family...

Overall, it's a wonderful experience...wish we could stay at the villages longer thou...pray that God will cont. to revive the churches..and the people..and for the leaders there to cont. this will of God...be their strength...give them hope and a passion for soul...a passion for God...

2008-06-11T15:20:00.007+08:00

hey there, so sorry...was busy and tired recently...i wonder where my energy go to already..
i've recieved this mail and it wrote about Friends..it goes like this...

They Love you but they are not your Lover
They care for you but they are not from your family
They are ready to share your pain but they are not in your blood relation
True Friend scold you like a DAD
Care like a Mum
Tease like a sister
Irritates like a brother and
Finally love you more then your lover

in a way quite true...=)

My church children camp is over. This was my first children camp with my church..i must say it's a different experience...Being the big sister there...wasn't easy man...ha...but eveything when well and smooth..=)

There are a few things i wanna thank God for..
firstly, some of the kids and the facilitators including myself fell ill on 2nd night...but the next morning...we had all recovered...i thank God becos He's our healer...i prayed...i told God i can't be sick becos this camp is not over and i have a mission trip to go...so i have to be healthy so that i will be able to bless the people over at thailand...thank god becos for those who know me...i'm quite a weakling la...i need some time to recover if i fall ill...had fever that night...38plus degree...but recovered the next day le.. =)

thank God too becos the kids enjoyed themselves...and i know they too have learnt from the lessons bout God Creation and how God knows and see who we really are and what we are thinking...only God knows...
I pray as this Kids cont. to grow older..they will rem the lessons taught to them and that they will be able to discern and to chose the right path...

Another thing i wanna thank God will be my results..it's out.... i got 2A, 2A- and 2 B+...thank god for giving me this peace throughout the exam period...helping me to concentrate and to do my best...and i give thanks and glory to the Lord...

I'll be heading to Thailand from the 13th to 17th...to reach out to the people up in the villages...we'll be having some activities with the children...a skit will be perform by us..and our pastor will be speaking too...really pray that the Holy Spirit will work strongly..prepare the hearts of the people there..and also..prepare our hearts...to be bold and courageous...to be use by God to bring blessings and to claim souls for Jesus...

Certainly, i'm going to miss my dear gal...so sad she together with 2 other youth can't join us this time...but i still hope that the angels of the Lord will watch over them..to be their strength..their comfort and to protect them while we are away...

Dear gal, i'll miss you...pls do take care of yourself while we are away alright..i know you will be lonely...but rem..God is always with you...maybe it can be a good time for you to once again spend time with Him...take a break..and rest...be still and worship the Lord...
Dear...we'll be back soon...anything happen call up my parents k...

The next post will be after my mission trip...Brothers and sisters out there...do cont. to pray for us...till then...take care =)

2008-05-29T23:54:00.002+08:00

WWJD- What Would Jesus Do.....

why am i feeling like that?..
Do i or do i not...
If i do not...then why do i feel like tt?....
If i do..then why do i feel like tt?...

hAha...just a random entry today...
the above is titled : Do I...
Lol..

A poem i read from guitar4christ website:

It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of God's design;
But i cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.
The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I
GOD opens this flower so sweetly,
When in my hands they fade and die.
If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I think I have wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?
So I'll trust in Him for His leading
Each moment of everyday.
I will look to him for His guidance
Each step of the pilgrim way.
The pathway that lies before me,
Only my Heavenly Father Knows.
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose.

It gets tiring when u dunno what's ahead of you...
you are lost and confused...
but God knows...
and that's why we say
Our Life is in you Lord...
Our Strength is in you Lord...
Our Hope is in you Lord...

Trust God and let Him unfolds the beauty in our life...

2008-05-27T01:24:00.002+08:00

i'm going thru some emotional roller coaster now...and it's funny becos i'm not the one..as in the thing that is affecting me is not from me...but from others...ok..maybe just a little is from me..
i often wonder why am i so easily affected by others emotions....even thru the tv dramas...if there's any actor in there crying or feeling sad...98%....i'll be tearing too..though it's just a show...it's just a character...it affects me...therefore, if it's going to be the people around me going thru hard times..and i know it..and feel it...that's it...especially my loves ones...
it just pains me to see them suffering...and i here doing ok...i want to help but i dun know what to do?...but i know of a every powerful "tool"...and that is...prayer...it's powerful...becos thru prayers...your petition is brought before God...yes..our all mighty God...just tt we'll not the one who decides when our prayer will be answered..that's the challenging part i guess...But you know what..God knows what's best for each and anyone of us..we got to seek after Him..and all the amazing things that HE has plans for us will be reveal to us..one by one..step by step...
going thru trials..thou it's painful but if you were to go thru it...it will be an amazing experience...
In James 1:2-4 it says,
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Press on my friends...
Dun give up...
becos our Father God is with us all the time...
jia you....

2008-05-22T12:58:00.003+08:00

Hi there, how's everyone?...i'm doing fine...preparing some stuff at home...i have yet found a job but i've applied and send in my resume to IBN for a month of attachment...could be a good experience for me...if i manage to finish my preparation, maybe next week i'll look for a job..maybe.lol...i'm a lazy person when comes to work..ha..
oh well, i started reading the new biligual bible i bought...told myself to brush up my chinese...i dunno how long i will last...as in you now...reading His word everyday...it'll be fine if i only read the english version...but nah...i have to read the chinese version too...so many words i forget how to read already la...really pray God will help me thru..to give me a good memory to rem the chinese charactors...to understand and gain new revelation...-thou it's been awhile since i gain any..ha..pray that i will be determine enough to at least finish the new testament...
the journey of a Christian life can have ups and downs...that's part and parcel of our growth...being able to strike a balance is a challenge...busy...tired...lazy...common reasons..how then can we maintain this relationship with our Father God?... sometimes we just have to put away EVERYTHING or should i say to lift up all our burdens and work to Him...let God renew and strenghten us...let God be our BOSS.....if man were to cont. striving on with their own strenght and flesh..one day..you will lose it all...you will break down...you will lose the intimacy with God too..it's hard...i didn't say it's easy...but we have to always kept that in mind..and do it...
Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead...i bet it's another challenging thing to do..
but God clearly tells us that in Philippian 3.13...a past memory..a past event..a past emotion..can stop one from moving ahead...can even prevent or hinder or bondage one from getting out of the misery...i experience it before and each day is a misery...but i realise if i were to really surrender them to God and asked Him to help me take it away...I can be free once again...free from bondages...free from hurts...but now, it's whether you want and allow God to come and intervene ornot?..or you rather let it linger in your mind and you trying to find a way out or and answer yourself...there's a choice to make...chose wisely pls...dun let the past haunt you..

i knew somethings gonna happen...just waiting for u to say but u prefer to type it out..well..eh...but u know clearly in your heart..it's over...

Phil 3.13-14 Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

2008-05-14T01:46:00.003+08:00

Welcome to those people visiting my blog the first time!
well, i've display my blog add on my msn nick..it took me awhile to post it up though..becos there were some stuff that kinda stop me from posting it up...
my intention was to use my blog as a way to reach out to people...especially my friends...christian or non chrisitan..to testify about God and to encourage people..but i was thinking whether to put up my old enteries on the blog ornot...i have a past that wasn't good...i believed most of the people have a past that are not pleasent too...but one thing we got to know is...it doesn't matter how other ppl sees u...becos at the end of the day...God is the one you will meet...and most importantly...God doesn't care who you are..what you have done before...God still will accept u and call u His children if you were to come before Him...humble yourself...repent...and let God take control of your life...
i've experience His faithfulness and mercy..it is indeed amazing...many a times i disappoint God, i scold God...i blame God for everything...i even said i dun wanna be a christian anymore...but God did not give up on me...each time i fell...He was there to hold me up...
If you were to read my old enteries and compare it with the newer ones...i believe they have certainly change alot...I thank God for His teaching and guidance...how i manage to put away my past but to focus on God and look to the future...this transformation wouldn't have happened without God intervene..
Though my this little transformation may not be as impactful as a drug addict converting to a christian and now walking in the right path..(i've watch a dvd about this..it's really true..God changed his life)..but i believe God will touch different ppl differently.
i hope my little life transformation can be a testimony of how wonderful God is...if you are willing to take a step of faith to come before God...i can be sure that your life will never be the same again..
i give thanks to God...may all the glory and honour be to our God...Amen!

2008-05-11T23:58:00.003+08:00

Thank you Lord! Praise you oh Lord!...indeed, our God is Great. He is almighty..Friends out there may be thinking why are we (christians) always saying thank you lord or praise you lord...i must say it's becos we are really thankful for all the things He has done for us..for ALL of us..be it christian or non believers...His sacrificial LOve is uncomparable..His amazing work is wonderful...i can only stand in awe to worship and thank Him..
i have a few things to share today..Firstly, once again...i want to thank God...becos He have given me the courage and boldness to pray for my mum..infront of her..saying the prayer aloud..some may think what's the big deal..but for me...it's a BIG deal..i find it harder to pray for people who are really close to me..my loved onces basically...but i finally did it...and i will cont. to do it..pray that God will cont. to increase this boldness and also preservance to pray for my mum till she is completely heal from her rashes..
next is the testimony from my beloved sista..
our God amazing hands is moving in her relatives members..though non believers..but they actually asked her and her dad to pray for their grandma who was sick...a group of people who used to discriminate our God..but now, they actually want them to pray for their mother...i can only thank God..His ways are indeed higher then ours..and His thoughts is beyond us...we do not know what will happen next...will they start to want to know more about Jesus?...will they and grandma accept Jesus as their Lord?..we do not know...but we will cont. to pray and intercede..
One thing that man will always expect is that their prayer will be answer IMMEDIATLY....i cannot deny that YEs, there are prayers that are answered right at that instance...miricules can happened at that very moment..it is thru God's grace and mercy that these happened...but we cannot always expect that when you pray..you want God to answer you immediatly..we cannot think that if our prayer is not answered, it means our God is not real..that's totally wrong...it is according to God's timing...in His time, He will make all things good..the answer to our prayer can be a YES or NO or Wait..we have to cont. to wait upon the Lord..trust and establish a intimate relationship with God..focus on God and not on our prob..then we will be able to see His works in us..
No matter how BIG our prob is..it will never change the fact and that our GOD is real..HE is a living God..God is with us ALL the time..it's whether we allow God to come into our life ornot..
Today is mothers' day..or parents' day..bro and me cooked dinner for our parents...glad things went smoothly...=)...
well, i shall stop here today..good night guys!

2008-05-08T12:25:00.003+08:00

hi there, it has been a week plus since my last paper eh..well, last week was fun. Went to sentosa and the zoo!!...LOL...the sun was so terribly hot la. can't even play volleyball without jumping up and down..haha...oh ya...and at last, i went to 85market and the newly opened swensen at Tampines Mall. Yumyum!!
just last week, after my last paper. felt this sudden heaviness. has been reading people's blog, seeing things happening to people, their r/s and the world..doubt, worries and burdens seem to be pouring on me.
in the past, it used to be people praying and helping me...now that i'm strong once again, i really hope to do the same for others. to help them, to bless them, to encourage and strengthen them.
and God reminded me to lift up all these burdens to Him..to draw strength from Him becos i alone can't handle all these..and i Thank God during prayer vigil..HE helped me to pour out my burdens and to just be still in His presence..allow Him to once again renew and strengthen me.
Has been praying for strength, wisdom, creativity, courage and boldness.
Strength and wisdom to help and pray for others..creativity to think of games and script.
was a little hurt just now...but i dunno who's right or wrong..maybe it's not a matter of right or wrong..i guess it's just different ideas...different ways of doing things. Well, dunno if i should put my point across now..well well..i need to cont. to draw strength from the Lord

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom i take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and i am saved from my enemies."
Psalm 18:1-3

2008-04-25T11:48:00.002+08:00

hI there!
i'm taking a break from my revision..one more paper next tuesday..so ya..kinda having the holiday mood now..haha..okok..
first of all, exam will ok..felt the difference this sem...there are worries and anxiousness but there is God's peace..and that is the most important thing..becos peace is the root to rejoicing...many may think why do we need peace?..how can we possibly have peace and joy when so many things are happening around us?..our family...our school...our workplace..the society and etc..well...you can have peace and joy if u trust in the Lord..and this joy comes from knowing that our God is always with us no matter in what situation..u know there is someone to hold on you when you fall...having confident in God give us the peace..having confident in yourself to deal with the situation around you is not enough becos Man are limited..there is only so much we can do..But God is so big...He's omnipotent, omniscent, omnipresent...why carry all this burdens on yourself when
God says in mattew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest.
again i must emphasize...HE has lay down this gift infront of you..you got to go get it..
Well...they are sill many more things that i wanna say..but i got to study now..
till then..take care guys..

2008-04-08T00:31:00.004+08:00

Hey guys!
i've change my blogskin...haha...used the template provided by blogger..i've added some new features..
hope u guys like the Christian songs..and ya..my stupid face there..loved the rainbow photo too..i can still rem when it was taken..15/6/07..
the rainbow meant alot to me..rainbow signifies God's covenant with us..

It says in the bible, Genesis 9:12-17 (NIV),
And God said, " This is the sign of the covenant i am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come; i have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever i bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, i will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, i will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and all living creatures of every kind on the earth."
So God said to Noah, "This is the sign of the covenant i have established between me and all life on the earth."

How wonderful God is =)
I better get some rest now..first paper on the 16th of April..ends on the 29th of April..
will post again soon..

2008-03-30T23:11:00.006+08:00

2 weeks more to my final exam..am i worried?..
i think i am...but somehow i know i dun have to be afraid..because Jesus is in my life..He gives me strength...gives me hope..and He holds my future...and i'll do my best..for Him..
been a christian for bout 3yrs...i'm glad i've made this choice..
being a christian wasn't easy at first cos i'm use to leading my own life...doing the things i wan...bearing the consequences myself..
Now that i gave my life to Jesus...things change...and i'm transformed..and i thank God for that..
Each time i think about His Love, i can also say thank you..for you loved us so much that you've died for us on the cross WHEN we are still sinners..how great is your love..nothing is greater then your love..
i thank God once again...for giving me another chance to serve Him and His ppl, and to glorify His name...and i ask for more faith..more courage and boldness..and i really hope i wont let it go again..
i pray for those who are lost..those who think that their life is in a mess...those who are aimless..those who are suffering..those who are disappointed..sad..or u feel that you are useless...or you feel that you need to be loved..come to Jesus..becos He will heal you..He will set your path straight..He will guide you..teach you and most importantly..He will love you...this love is unconditional and unlimited..He doesn't expect you to "pay back"..all He wants is you to reconcile back with Him..to come back to His kingdom..He is the creator and we are His creation...It's like a Father..waiting for His children to come back..and He will cont. to wait..until the day you anknowledge Him as your saviour...your God..
Just take a moment to think bout it..
this wonderful gift is right infront of you...and it's up to you whether you want to recieve it..
take some time to ponder ya..
i'll stop here now..
take care my friends..
with love..

2008-02-08T20:58:00.000+08:00

feeling funny...feeling weird...everything that is happening around me...even in my dreams are affecting me greatly..
things are not really doing well for me..
i can't explain..
i guess many little things are piling together creating one big piece of shit..
anyway...i saw alot of babies today..
so cute you know...how i wish i can have one now..i'm serious..
told my mum " two years later i'll give you one grandchild"...eh..yea..i know..crazy..
nvm...
i'm out.

2008-02-07T17:31:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year everyone!
it's the first day of the Lunar New Year.
at home...as usual...went to our old neighbour house..
all the children grow so much already...all the uncles and aunties still doing good.
Glad to see that..but somehow, i feel that the grandma wasn't happy.
dunno why i feel that way...
gonna watch movie with my family later...it's our routin very year since my grandma past away.. tml gonna stay at home to do report..hopefully i can finish it by tml..haha...no mood no mood..
sat morning maybe going to visit my sec. school teacher..then going over to parent's friend chalet..see how ba...if i manage to finish my report...hmm...sun..church and going around to visit the youth family...then new year is over...ha... .
he asked, why dun i give him a chance....it's not bout him i guess...said b4...i'm not ready..a relationship needs two people to clap...if i'm not ready to sacrify time for it..i dun think this relationship will work..i can't be expecting the other partner to give in to me all the time ya..eh..
oh ya...topic for new year visiting is changing man...
last time ppl used to ask " how's school?...how's your result?...which poly or jc are you going to?"
now, ppl ask " so, where's your bf...why dun have yet...when marry.."...haha...
ok...going to try to start on my report now...
tc peep!

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord.

2008-02-01T12:22:00.000+08:00

hey there..it's been a year yea..Well..just feel bored now. Not because i've got nothing to do, but i'm just too lazy to do. Maybe cos CYN is coming..holiday mood is here!!..haha.
Alright...life for the past one year was...interesting..many changes..but i believe these changes are necessary...
studying at NTU now...year 1 student...how sucky is that..lol..student life for me is totally different now compared to poly..haha..school..study...home...that's all..no events..no meeting..no activities..no wonder i feel bored..haha..but i guess the joanne from poly have changed..hope it's for the good..
still single now...somehow forget what's the feeling of being in relationship..i guess as more resposibilities come into our life..making decision seems to be harder..i'm not ready..thats the reason i gave..is that the true reason?...i think so..ha..whatever...
I can't say it didn't affect me..it did actually..but i chose to end it as soon as possible..felt sad..at the same time...i'm glad too....hope ur're coping well...
oh ya...i'm going for a short get-away to bintan with my dear sis!!..haha..it's our first time going oversea alone..hope it will be a fruitful one..but after the break...she's gonna start her hectic schooling and working again...and i...study study study...so bored right..oh man..what can i do sia..ha...

2007-02-12T13:38:00.000+08:00

today is the12th of Feb.
time flies...
this is my rest day though. was working yesterday, yes a sunday. So sian..
hopefully the new staffS are coming soon.
many ppl resign from my work place..at the same time..eh..

all my collegue know i'm going to apply for Uni already...really hope i could get in this time round...sick of working..really...working sucks...when u start to know about the politic there..

Have learnt many things there...glad i'm able to adapt to the place..but sometimes you just get so stress there...not becos of the workload but the politics..have to be so careful b4 you speak...i'm serious...what you say to a person can be spread SO fast that everybody in the lab will know within an hour..haha...anyway..getting used to it..just act blur..gossip lesser..but it's good to know what's happening also..be in a safe zone..lol..

well, life is getting better =)...glad that i've grown..God is just so amazing.
He knows u so well...
so many things to say..but dunno where to start...if ppl know who i really was in the past..then i think they can see the different ba...well...pray that God will cont. to teach and guide me..

alright...signing off soon..going to apply for Uni online le..
take care guys..

2006-11-23T23:18:00.000+08:00

hmmm, wondering if everyone still visit this blog.
the last entry i wrote was in july....and it's end of November now...
haha...i'm still here guys..i mean on earth..*bleah*

life is ok...i hope...been through many situation and here i am hoping that there is
an easier way to live life..

life is too short to waste...i'm already 20 but somehow i feel that i've been wasting it...
been thinking what am i good at...but i can't think of any...

still working at Raffles Hospital...5mths there...so far so good...still the youngest there but not for long...new ppl coming in next week...
will want to study again...but dunno what and dunno where..

how i wish there is a book..a guideline to living life that i can refer to...
something that i can see and not by faith..
cos sometimes...u just dunno what you are doing...
how to move on from here...

i'm tired...emotionally...i want to really feel the presence...can i??...
looking forward to the church camp...

2006-07-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

been working for 1 month..
so far so good...
i miss studying...working is so tiring..
not that i dun like my job..but i dun like to work in general..
i just want to study..study something i like..
i hate choices...some may say i'm crazy...at least i have so many choices to choose..but they have none...but dun u guys agree sometimes it's just too hard to decide?...

anyway, i'm wondering who's taking over my position for the club..
feeling worried..dunno why...not about who's taking over...but about whether i can pass down enough info to the new pres to take over...
a good leader will not be a good leader unless he/she can train up a good follower..

2006-05-31T16:57:00.000+08:00

i'm starting work tomorrow.
working in raffles hospital..
hope i'll be fine there..
i'm actually dreading to work..though i sick of slacking but working is boring too.
can't believe i am stepping into the working life le..everyday will be work eat sleep..work eat sleep..DAMN...I DUN WAN TO WORK!!!

sigh...most of my frens have already started working for like 2,3 months already..think they kindna used to the life le..now is my turn..oh man..i really dun wan to work..haiz..
bought same stuff for work..need to wear pants..no jean..haiz..so i got to buy shoes to match those pants...bought one myself but mum say not nice..yesterday mum saw the type of shoes she wanted me to buy and we bought it..and she brought me to a tailor shop, made two pants for me..very ex...sigh..
should be feeling happy rite..so founate to have them...but she shouldn't have treat me so nice..cos i'm not worth being treated nice..
dun think i've been a good daugther all this while..and now they treat me so good..it just make me feel so bad...haiz...

got a bite on my leg..dunno what bite..now swollen, pain and itch like mad..
and my knee is getting worst...i only know is my knee area but i dunno where is the actual spot...it hurts when i bend and stand up...shuck!

Hmmm....went for the aus uni open day...applied for 5 uni..eh..just trying...never really talk to my parents bout it...will only know if i got accepted 2,3 months later...kinda long...she will know it earlier i guess....
i know my mindset is wrong, but i only want to go into the same uni with her..she seem so sure bout what she wants, but there is one obstacle she has to pass it..her dad..
if she manage to convince her dad i think she will surly go for it...but what if we got the diff uni..though we applied the same 5 schools..oh man..what if the uni she wants to go is not what i really wants..what should i do...will i survive oversea alone..haiz..
worries never seem to end...sometimes i really wish there is no choices for me to choose from..sigh...

wonder if i have the strength to work ornot...have been slacking for a month u know..sleeping late and working up late..damn..tml start work at 8.30am...wish me luck...

i'm feeling down..what's happening again??

2006-05-22T18:31:00.000+08:00

woah!...i've been MIA for bout a month already eh..lol
so sorry guys...
I'm back to update bout my life.

i'm now searching for a job and i went for an interview already.
high chance of getting in but i hesitate for awhile.
it wasn't what i expected it to be.
i was offered many jobs....seriously..
first was to be a TSO back in TP..second was a med tech in sgh biochem lab..third was back at my attachment area..fourth was in cgh histo lab..fifth was in sgh histo lab..sixth was a part time job at HSA..seventh was a med tech in raffles hospital..eight was a research/clinical ass at gleneagles med ctr.

VERY VEry Very LUCKY and Blessed right...yea..i think so too..i really wanna thank all my lecturers and friends who kept informing me about the lobangs..i didn't search for them..all the above was told to me by people.
but sometimes no choice maybe the best choice dun you think so...
of the above 8 choices..i send up my resume for 4 of them..didn't apply for 2 of it cos i'm still involve in school activies..

ppl say i very choosy...am i?...maybe a little..i admit it...for now i just wish i could work in a hospital..not a private lab..i wanna try working in a hospital environment..not becos i dun like my attachment place..i just wanna experience different environment...that's why i turn my down my supervior twice..but now..If only the lab is nearer to my place..if only i know what am i going to expect..i'll surly go back to my attachment place.
i want to learn many things..learn many more stuff..and i think my attachment area can help me fulfilled it..but..haiz..i'm confused..but i can't go on like that anymore..
i hope i'm wrong about it...

since young, i am very lucky..i got into the sec school i want..i got into the poly and course i want. All my first choice..until now i still thought i will get whatever i want. but i was proven wrong..
i realised i'm not in control of anything at all..haha..but it's ok..i learnt..and will move on..

2006-04-27T14:39:00.000+08:00

down with a sore throat now...i'm losing my voice..lol...been a long time since i'm sick...
i like to be sick..got excuse dun need to work..lol..kk...

going to be alone at home now..mum going out..she took leave from work cos now holiday..talking bout this...kinda sad cos mum may not be able to go for my graduation ceremony...so hard to get leave meh...graduation lei...she say i graduate from Uni then she go..also dunno i will go uni ornot...sigh...nvm...it's over...

it's been 3 years in tp...it's been 3 years in club...seeing the club grow makes me happy...seeing the club getting well known in school now make me proud..but all this wouldn't has happen without tears and hardwork...i hope i've make the ex committee proud too..
i guess i've been doing things to let other ppl see all this while..and not for myself..is that wrong?..hmmm...

for those who wish to run the committee again...i'm glad to hear that..i'm glad to know that throughout the 2years...u guys have also build up this passion like i had..its the passion that make me wanna run again...i hope this passion will also strengthen you guys...do remember..we need new blood too k...eh...all the best guys...i'm retiring soon...lol...

thanks for the encouragment too...i'll miss u guys...

melt my harden heart...i'm asking u..
make me cry...i'm begging u...

2006-04-25T22:50:00.000+08:00

have i mention i've been dreaming for the past few weeks...almost everyday...it's getting irritating..every morning i'll be super tired..
last time was nightmare...now is unrealistic dreams..oh man...can't i just have a good sleep...

got emo in the afternoon...suddenly thought of my ex again...maybe cos i got nothing to do then i start to think of many many things again...things that are kept at the back of my brain flashes back..

how are u now? ...sigh...that's the only question i can ask now i guess...it's just so funny...when things change...it really change..crap..what am i talking about...

do u think people appreciate the things i've done?...do u think people know how much i've put in..not that i wan the whole world to know about it...but...when is the last time people praised me?..
no one actually told me i've chose the right path..no one actually said i've done a good job for running the club as a pres again...people joke around bout my joanne disease...i dun mind..but it somehow change the way people look at me...i dunno..i think i'm thinking too much...i'm going crazy soon...

2006-04-25T14:17:00.000+08:00

i guess the only thing i'm good at now is to cry...everyday i cry...
felt so lost...i know i need to find a job SOON...
i know i can't cont. to slack anymore..i know all that...so what's the point of saying but not doing anything..
that's me..i have no energy to do ANYTHING now..
everyday i feel useless...that is enough to spoil my day..that is enough to make me cry..that is enough to pull me alway from the real world...
why is this happening to me..
once again..i felt lonely..i felt lost..

i need u now...where are u..it works both way but why are u so slow in replying...i lose hope in u..i no longer find strenght and comfort...everytime i think of u...i cry..everytime i see other people believing in u..i cry..how can i be them..when will i experience u once again..my heart is harden..i can't feel anything now..i am a lost sheep..where is my shepherd..

i got a feeling i'll piss someone off very soon..i hope this wont happen..if it happen...i really dun see where am i still here...i should be gone..gone long ago..gone far far away..

2006-04-10T23:48:00.001+08:00

hello ...dun worry...i'm still alive...
just finish my 5 day straight camp..tiring tiring..
i'm still jobless here...partly cos i didnt look for it..
still busy with club stuff..
was wondering what will happen to me after i step down...i'll be totally lost lar..
lol...well...having headache now...can't cont le
will update soon..

2006-04-10T23:48:00.000+08:00

2006-03-22T11:15:00.000+08:00

i'm super bored now...sigh...many things to do but i got no mood...haiz...
well, i guess i'll be at home the whole day today..eh..
got lost yesterday when i try to seach for the shops to get my finance forms stamp and sign..
spent bout 13bucks on taxi..eh...lu chi jiu shi lu chi...
went to jalan bersa ($9.30) then to sunshine plaza...should take bus 65 then reach le..but i go and take 23..dotz...end up going segrangoo..ask the bus driver he say i take wrong side..
the road is one way de so i need to like cross the street lar...then again..got lost...and was late le so took taxi again..($4.10)
after sunshine plaza go orchard stn then to crown hotel then to interchange and finally back to school...hopefully the finance can close le man...eh...alright

i guess i'm really going tpsu dnd ba...need to support...eh...$58...i'm not working lo...kept taking $$ from parents..
well i guess i'm quite lucky ba..never go find work but work come and find me...Ms Chew sms again to ask if i'm interested to accept a job in sgh biochem lab...i thought i can't work in sgh le cos of the 2years contract thingy...i dun wanna work for 2years lei..i wanna study de...hmm...hopefully ms chew lobang is no contract de...then i told her i wanna work in micro lab..she say she can give me contacts..that's great rite..haha...
but i still dun feel like working..haha..kk...i shan't be lazy lar...hmm..i just dun wanna go thru interview and ya...adapt to new environment again..

hmmm...damn bored..alone at home...no one to go out with..no $$ too...sigh...
club chalet coming...hope will have fun there...oltc camp coming too...hope things will be alright...
this sat going sentosa..haha...hope can get tanned...sun dad say he cooking crab..haha...good good..i'm craving for seafood sia...
hmm...those are the things that i'm looking forward to to get me move on...eh..

2006-03-14T02:36:00.000+08:00

ASc D&D is over...i'm finally feeling relaxed...is it a good sign or a bad one..haha...
well, i will only say that the D&D is alright..ok...i expect more from myself...but at least it was a dream come true...

and yup, i've recieved my result. i got a B for my MP..GPA 3.24...hmm..i'm not sad...but i'm not really happy too...

vincent is in army le..he has started a new journey..hoping he will perform well in there...
Sheewee started work..and we seldom meet up now...but it doesn't mean we dun care for each other...
Sis is starting work soon...20th march...sigh...i told her i'll be fine...i'll take care of myself...but i still cry...looks like i really can't hide anything from you gal..i'm too used to having her around...one more week to play...play hard ya...
going to be an working young adult le...it's sian but...jia you gal...

as for me...still slacking...my event is over...still have 2 more events but i'm not in the organising team...hmm...felt weird..should i let them plan themselve or should i constantly advised them even though they didn't approach me...hmm...i dunno...eh..

i think i seriously need to think about what i wanna do next time le..or even now...i can't seem to ask for $$ from my parents again but the fact is...i still need too...i need $$...i need work...but i'm lazy...i dun wanna work..i dun wan to do rountin work everyday...i dunno what i want...arg...i miss being a student...haiz.

*tell me what should i do...where should i go...*

well, let's talk about happy stuff now...for the pass one month, really wanna thank you gal..and i hope i've been a good sis too....ups or downs...we go through together..the laughter and joy..anger and tears...will always be remembered...i wan this sisterhood to last long long..=)

went sentosa with sis today..wanna get tanned but end up still the same... =(
spent alot...about 80plus i think..haha...but i was thinking...i wont have any chance to spent it after this week..lol..

having a chalet with the club on the 27-29th march...hope it will be fun...this year really too little gathering le...

i wanna go TPSU D&D...but it's $58..and i can't find ppl go...=(

18th March...swimming in the morning...badminton in the afternoon and wedding dinner at night..haha...so happy..

i wan 14,15,16,17,18,19th March to have many many things do...haha...kk...need to sleep le..

night...

2006-03-04T22:53:00.000+08:00

it's been 2weeks since i'm unofficially graduated...i'm still lost...

throughout my poly life..much time and effort was given for the club...
never had i thought about my future cos i was too busy with it..
now that it's ending soon...i'm totally lost..
sigh...

what do i really wan to do...what do i really wan in life...
a question i can never answer..

i hope u are feeling better...i hope you are doing fine....i hope i can accompany you everyday..but i can't..and i feel bad..
didn't wan you to work cos i know i'll be alone after that...but i realise i can't be so selfish...i realise i can't always be with you...that' why i was like askin u to start work soon...
i know i've said this to you b4 but ya...say wanna say again.

been feeling useless recently..miss out one impt paper work for my dnd...now end up i cannot draw out money...damn...feel so super disorganised...
after 3 years in poly..president of club for 2years...it was my dream...to be a head of a certain club...it's ambitous...i know...was very happy i got the post...cos it was my dream..
but end up...i saw my weaknesses in there...
i wasn't a capable as i thought i was..
i show no confident...i lack of it...i'm force to fake myself infront of ppl...i realise i wasn't what i thought i am...

2006-03-03T13:35:00.000+08:00

Stupid nightmares!!!!
go away!!!
DAmN!!

what to you want from me!!!

ARG!!

2006-03-01T02:24:00.000+08:00

life is still not good yet...
have been with sis for the past few days...
i hope u are really feeling better le..it takes time gal...it's ok about the mood swing and etc...u will be fine de...u will get through it de...you have me...you have our dear god...sigh...i just want you to be happy and as day pass by, you will not worry so much le...
i miss ur smile gal...ur true smile...
got alot of things to say, but i suddenly dunno what to say le...
But i'm really glad i was able to be by your side all these while...thank you for allowing me to do so too gal...guess we really understand how important we are to one another now...

i'm still single..going to 7mths...many ups and downs...but i'm alright...there will always be memories in me..that's why i will be affected somehow...but i'm fine...really...
you are going army soon...let just put our broken relationship aside and you go be a man in the army alright..i wont do anything now..i dunno bout the future..but after 7mths..i guess i just dun wish to talk and think about it le...

will be busy with club now...ASc D&D is next friday..so fast...i'm not prepared!!
sigh, i realise how useless and disorganized i am when my frens are not around to remind me about stuff...
after 5mths...i'm really not ready to go back....this event...really very messy...argh!!!
i'm not focus...i miss out many things..i still cannot picture how the whole event is gonna be like...argh...dun like this feeling...

my future, uncertain...it's seem that i can't be bothered bout my future...what am i going to do or work as? Answer: i dunno...can i just slack all the way...-_-'''...haiz...

my relationship with HIM....bad...i lied again and again...what's wrong with me...

*sigh*

*

2006-02-16T20:23:00.000+08:00

life in TP is coming to an end...this is BAD!
eh...standing at a crossroad feels so sucky...
oh well, got into an aus uni...register for fun and now i got in....parents are asking me what's my decision...the answer is...I DUN KNOW! *bleah*
i got no time to think about my future now...this is just so sucky..
or maybe, i dun wish to think about it...

when passion turns into burden...everything is just so wrong...

gonna name my hamster gerger and boyboy...ya ya...i know...not creative at all..but i like...
haiz...hamster hamster...they will be the only two accompanying me soon...this is BAD...haiz...

everything will soon become a memory...no matter how much efford you put in...when there is a beginning..there is an end...now it's ending....it's over...what have i achieve?....is the what i wan...who cares you have put in how much effort...no one will remember...no one cares...no one knows....

*looking around for a place to hide*

2006-02-11T11:36:00.000+08:00

hello...been awhile since i've update my blog ya...been busy...very busy...
life has been revolving around my MP and MP and more MP...just glad it's ending soon..
Next will be busy with club stuff...kinda bored eh..everytime club club and club...
no. of ppl for my event hasn't reach the target yet..
many things have not been settled too..this just suck!
oh well...when one doesn't have the passion to do something...everything just seem bad...

hmm..anyway...i got two baby hamsters now..haha...very happy...as usual..mum kept nagging...haiz...i'm worried too...worry i cannot take care of them properly...maybe mum is right...i dun even know how to take care of myself...still wanna have pets...DOTZ...

alright...got to do work le...
take care my fren...

*can i turn back time*

2006-01-30T19:24:00.000+08:00

my First Day of CNY :
went to church..
flooded the church...dunno why..but i guess there are things that are still bothering me...
projects?...club?...family?...hmmm...i dun feel any saddness actually...just so tired..about everything...feeling numb i guess...
my family...kinda feel that i've distanced from them..not that they have neglected me...they still love me alot...but i'm the one who is distancing away from them...i dun like to share my prob with them...they know it...not becos of their nagging...but just feel that it wont make any different ba...my prob just add into their worries..like to keep to myself..eh...talk lesser to them now...bleah...

hmm..after church went home..sleep for awhile...aunt came to eat lunch..thanks to my BROTHER and my two little cousins...they SHOCK me up lar...haha..
well....seeing the two kids brightens up my day..there are so cute lo...so pretty and handsome..haha...and they can sing lo...=)...
after they went back..my family played majong...4ppl..just nice...lost 7bucks..haha..
then went to watch movie...I Not Stupid Too...typical Jack Neo show...cry and laugh and cry and laugh...=)
then went home...
End of First Day..
It's so different compared to last year (when i'm still attached)..and two years back(when my grandma is still around)...haiz...boring CNY...

Today:
wake up take family photo..then went to visit my late grandma...then my step grandma..then met emily..watch dvd at her house..then now..back home...alone..haha...
i kinda make myself look like a loner eh...haiz..dunno lar...just wanna be alone..tired of meeting ppl... smiling here and there when actually i dun feel like smiling at all....sian...
LIfe is no good now...arGh..!!
Tml meeting ex club members go visiting...let's hope i will really enjoy myself..and not trying to fake a smile out...haiz...i'm so tired...i feel like crying again...but i can't...so xin ku...argh!!

2006-01-28T23:54:00.000+08:00

5 more mins to CNY...i just dun have the New YEaR mood...
haiz...
i miss grandma...
both my grandma actually...
haiz..

2006-01-25T09:46:00.000+08:00

it's 9.53am..and yup...i'm at home again!!!..haha...i cheat my boss again?...haha...
going to attend a dialogue session with one of the MP at SP later at 3pm...talking about Female Leadership..hmm..interesting eh...gotta wear formal..oh man...let's hope everything will go well..
after that i'll be meeting jason...our event planner for D&D..quite rushing but no choice...response still low now..oh man..haiz..let's hope this friday...many people will approach me to sign up...eh...

watched the memoir of Geisha last night with my youth gp...the show was good i must say..did some catching up with them too..was a great night..

well, SIP ending soon...5mths is gone...that's real fast...chionging project like mad...after SIP will be chionging for club event...hmmm...it's my final year le...i'm starting to miss the club...haha...aiya..dunno what to blog now lar..headache again...dammit...how long will this headache last..let's see...

dear gal, take care of yourself k..i dunno what to say but you know me...

2006-01-20T00:19:00.000+08:00

many things are happening around me...things that will affect me emotionally....things that will make my heart turn sour...things that i dunno how to handle....

time is running out...but i can't seem to do any work every night...
once i'm online...that's it..can't stop myself from coming online too...

Quite a disappointment with the response so far...different ppl different thinking...just hope we wont end up foking $$ to pay back....i think mine thinking is wrong...i should expect more from myself...

i'm really disappointed with some frens out there...just feel a sourness when talking to them...guess i've been living in my own world all this while...and they have moved on...but pls dun go too far...i dun wish to be waken up from that beautiful dream...i dun wish to know that it's been a lie all this while...

relationship...it's so complicated...
we often hope it will last...but i guess we cannot expect too much from it...
nobody knows what will happen in the future...nobody knows when things are going to change...
if it's not going to last then why be together in the beginning...
seperation...is something so heartbrokening...something so hard to bear....

2006-01-15T23:52:00.000+08:00

i cried at the bus-stop...in my workplace...in school...in the train..in the bus...at home...outside..
felt so disappointed..so sad...so heart ache when such things happen...especially to something so dear to me..

sis is angry with me now.
i can't stop you if you wanna be angry with me...
or maybe you are angry with yourself for not being able to make me feel better...
i know you guys supports me...emotionally wise...
the truth is..it's not enough...
going through such situation physically alone....is not enough...
i've been saying i'm tired...i'm really tired le...in the past...i got a few of you by my side...including 2 seniors with me to take care of the club...
now there is only 1or maybe 2 taking care of 39ppl...
i may sound as if i'm force to cont. in it again...but the truth is
this club is so dear to me that i wont allow any of such to happen...
when it happened, i am sad...i am disappointed..

many time and effort, tears and laughter were used to build up the club...
bonds were created but some seems to have broken....
is doing all this worthwhile....i'm asking myself....

2006-01-14T00:33:00.000+08:00

having headache AGAIN...for the past THREE nights...oh SHIT....haiz...
was tearing when i was playing the guitar this morning...suddenly rem...eh..haiz..

how i wish they are growing....only a few people are putting in their effort...their time and strength to get it running...how to function only with a few ppl...
why such things will happen?
is it becos i have been neglecting them?...it is becos i have not been a good president...
people aren't working as a team man...where has the bonding gone to...

i just feel so disappointed...with the club..the people...and myself...only certain ppl are putting in effort...and it has been tough on them...why you guys dun think about how they are coping...they are also busy and tired....but they are still trying hard...put yourself in their shoe guys...
i dun really know what's going on now...i really lost touch le...you guys may have your reasons for not turning up...but everyone has his or her own things to do too...where has the committment gone too....
i admit i'm like neglecting the club too..i am at fault..i am at fault...it's just so hard to handle club and work at the same time....what i can do is to hear from diff ppl now and then...
the club is different now...of cos i know it's different...if you find something is wrong...then do something to change it back...or even better...haiz...what wrong with everyone.....what wrong with me....i feel so helpless lar...so useless...i can't function alone...

i am doubting the happniess i felt for the past weeks?
i felt like crying now...i'm tired...

2006-01-13T15:12:00.000+08:00

i'm at home now...it's 3.30pm..haha...
im just lazy to go work...erps...eh...
was suppose to go for a career talk butthen last minute dun need to attend le...
butthen i told my supervisor i'm not going work today...so...haha...yes...i cheated my boss...
whatever, i just need to have a good rest..
i need time to do my work...but...i haven start on any yet...DAMN!!!

i guess what's really from the past cannot be brought to the future...
i was tearing on the MRT on the way to sch...thinking about the above sentence...
my relationship and my club..hmm..
well have to moved on...

now it's 5.30pm. did some work just now..so..yup..completed what i wanna do though it's very little...haiz..nvm..tonight shall do again...
going to school now...sian...
it has become a responsibility rather then...i dunno...
haiz...nvm...where have my friends gone to...wo de jing sheng zhi zhu...
the group of friends are the ones who made me wanna go back even though i'm super busy and tired...oh man...things have changed...

2006-01-10T23:41:00.000+08:00

hmm...my previous entry was not very nice ya...mood swing i guess..sorry..miss u guys ba..
but i understand...it's different now...i'll be alright..i got to move on and not look back rite..eh..it's hard but i got to do it..

well, went shopping but bought nothing...maybe tml getting a pants ba..
new year is just a normal day...nothing special to me anymore..
doesn't matter if i got new clothes to wear ornot..ha..
hee...i cut my hair...now got fringe...sis say my hair got style...ha..thanks ya..
yvonne say i pretty..say 3times somemore lei..haha...kk

whole day at home today...but sis was with me...=)..thanks gal, for coming over...
just love to disturb you when you are tired man..ops...hee...
time we've spent together...though we did nothing special, though it's short...but i treasure alot...
take good care of yourself...
this one month plus will be busy and tiring...must jia you k...

when are you going to talk to me again?...
must u do this to forget me?...oh man...
i'm not suppose to feel this way...

2006-01-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

Going to miss us....Going to miss the club..
...ALL LIARS!!!
Move on..yea..Go go...fine with me...
YES, I'M ANGRY WITH YOU GUYS!!!!
first you guys leave me alone...now...this happen...GREAT!!!

I DUN NEED YOU GUYS...

have own reasons rite...okay lo...wont force one..dun wanna join then dun join...
dun join cos of me..dun join cos i'm angry now....it wont help..later join already not happy then blame me...join without a sincere heart also no use...
it just show me something...all these bonding are FAKE...
dun bother...dun even bother saying you guys miss the club...
LIARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-01-05T09:54:00.000+08:00

it's 10am...i'm here chiong-ing my MP...
hate it when i have to rush through things...
blame it on myself for being too lazy...and not learnt my lesson...
not putting any high hopes for my MP now...just hope can get at least a C grade...

may be going to some University Open House next week..still not sure what i wanna study..have to check out what course and module they offer man...

Tomorrow is his birthday...Happy Birthday To You...
22years old already...so fast...
dOn't think you will want to meet up rite?...
must be feeling super angry still...
really duNno what i can do nOw...

hopefully, one day we will be able to talk to each other again...till that day comes..take care...

2006-01-04T23:39:00.000+08:00

stress StRess STRESS...
i'm dead..
breaking down..

*feeling abit funny still*

2006-01-02T23:51:00.000+08:00

I'M BACK!!!...
it's a NEW YEAR!!...2thousand5 is over...here come 2thousand6..haha..
2005 has been a...hmm...what word to use..hmm...has been a .."CHALLENGING" year ba..
many significant events happened..
happy ones...sad ones...unforgettable ones...memorable ones..guilty ones..regretful ones...shocking ones..and many many ones...
thank you for all the wonderful moments guys..
as for sad ones..i believe it happened for a reason..so ya..move on peep..move on..ha...

a new year ahead...new start...new beginning...
have to be prepare to face many more obstacles...
main concern now will be my future i guess..
what am i going to study after poly...and where..oh man..
while...i'll see how things goes...ha..

take care my frens..
take care my family...
take care..

*A new beginning*

2005-12-26T12:46:00.000+08:00

guess i've said this many times.
this will be the last..
i'm sorry...sorry for holding onto you..
i'll let go..i'll move on..
pls take care..
i'm really sorry...

2005-12-22T02:45:00.000+08:00

what am i suppose to do now....

2005-12-20T02:52:00.000+08:00

hello ppl...
been awhile since i blog eh...yea...
been busy...busy shopping!!!...haha...
first time buying presents during christmas...ha...

dunno what to blog too..now alone at home...parents coming backing tml le..so fast...
did enjoy myself over at sis place..and thanks for coming over too..
though we did nothing special...but ya..thanks gal...

chatted with him from bedok mrt station to my work place yesterday...blur me still thought i'm still her gf...said something like..." you dunno your gf is like...."...didn't realise until he "HUH" very loud..eh...
went over to his place too...to do some stuff..after tt he sent me home..to my doorstep..thank you ya...
felt a little sour after he left...at that moment..wanna just gave him a hug so much..but i can't...
haiz...
feeling a little down now...haiz...
i'll be fine tml...i'll be fine..
that's all ..that's all...

2005-12-16T01:04:00.000+08:00

2more days...
i'm still feeling funny..oh man..
parents going to malaysia to visit my grandma..
can't go...guess i'm starting to "forgive" my grandma now..
kinda worried i wont have the chance to see her too..just like my the other grandma..
still regret...missing her...

how are you grandma?....is heaven a nice place to be?...are you fine above there?
Please watch over us grandma...i miss you..

hope my grandma in malaysia is doing fine..the last time i saw her..she really look very old and getting weak already..oh man..so worried..

mum, dad...pls look after yourselves when you are away...pls take care...
same to you brother...
i dunno how to express myself..but i really do care...

Pls watch over them...

hope things are getting better for you too sis..

i'm still kinda lost though...it's over...haiz..

2005-12-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

four more days...to start a new life...
aM i reAdy foR it...??

our story...really end now....you are far beyond my reach already..
Blame it on myself for not cherishing you...
if we are meant to be together..no matter how far you go..you will still come back..
let's see...if we are fated...eh...
life still have to go on...i know..i understand...
i'm sad..cos it's really over..but i'll be alright soon...real soon..cos no matter how sad i am..things aren't going to change so what's the point of being sad...

i'm letting go..i'm moving on...there will be another barrier for me to overcome b4 i could really start a new life..or to be specific..start a new relationship..eh...but it's not important now..i got no time to think about it too...

moving on ppl...moving on...

2005-12-10T00:39:00.000+08:00

this entry is for u....

always hope we could get back together in the future...that's what keep me strong for the past few weeks...
but my hope is vanished...you are really gone...

i wanted so badly to have you back at that very instance...but i can't...i can't give you much now...cos i dun even have time for myself...you will still be unhappy with me...

i realised i cannot do anything now...
you already moved on..and it seems that you are really determine to cont. that journey..with the gal...
the thought of you treating her nice and good... just like in the past how you treat me.. just hurts me everytime i think about it...i'm selfish..i only want you to be mine..
but i know these are all in the past already...it's over...
i didn't treasure you that time...ya..i admit it..
i'm the one who wan the break up...and ask you to move on and find another gal...but i didn't say those words without any emotion..i said those words with sadness and uncertainty...i still care about you after the break up..that's why i kept asking our friends to look after you and kept asking them how are you?

i didn't you to move on so fast...cos i thought you wont..you will wait...but i was wrong once again..
this news bout you and her really shocked me...i went crazy after knowing it..i scold your frens and pester them..i don't even wanna believed what they said...
but know...i guess you really likes her..and she too..
but, pls rem...bothof you just had a broken relationship...any care and concern give by others can be misunderstood as liking or even love...pls think about it b4 you move any further...
i'm not trying to stop you two from moving on..
but i really hope if you are to find a girl now..she will really love you and not one who just "make use" of you out of loneliness...

really hope u can be happy..i'm sorry i've ended everything just like that...it's really a waste..
i'm sorry...
there is nothing much i can do now but to give you my blessing...
tell you frankly, i'm feeling very sad now...i cried every night for the past few days..i'm just not ready..
i understand it's no use talking about the past now but they are just my thought...
pls take care ..pls take care....

2005-12-05T11:26:00.000+08:00

my heart hurts now...it's sour again...my tears are flowing again..i need someone now...

*guess he is really gone...*

2005-12-05T11:04:00.000+08:00

going to work soon...
i'm so bored..even though i have tons and tons of stuff to do..oh man..
can someone just kill me and let me REST in peace..
really wondering how long i can last before i finally break down...
i don't wan to care bout so many stuff anymore..can someone replace my role here...
it's so tiring..

am i doing the right thing?...i don't even have time for myself man..have i chosen the right path..
so tiring..so tiring...studies is still important..i know..but it's so hard to balance my time..guess i'm BAD in managing time...

it will be a new beginning...everything is planned for me...eh...but what is being planned?..can i know now?...i just don't wanna carry on this journey not knowing what's is being planned ahead for me..i have to have faith and be patient and wait..but i'm a faithless creature...i'm an anxious person..can you show me a clearer direction where to go on...i'm lost now...

life is so unmeaningful now...

are we sharing lesser and lesser stuff to each other...maybe yes maybe no...but no matter what...i still care alot...cheer up too gal...

*walking aimlessly*

2005-12-03T01:34:00.000+08:00

hmm...hope i'm feeling better now...i also dunno what i'm feeling...
sometimes i just wish that there is another person...one who is in the club and also on SIP ...having the same passion as i have for it...
then maybe he/she will understand how i am feeling now...
haiz...

not saying you guys don't understand how i'm feeling...but i guess there is a difference ba...when you are in the club and when you are not...i'm not complaining..just miss you guys...
know you guys miss the club sometimes too but ya...ASc is where we met each other..and we become so close...those are good memories..memories we will always remember...don't be too sad..
though i really miss having you guys with me...
felt tt i have more responsibility now..cos most of them..all should i say all except one is my batch...last sem was totally diff...when i worked with you guys, i work like a member..now i work more like a leader...aiya..dunno what i'm talking again...nvm...
whatever it is..ASc is one club i've put my bloodshed effort to it...always worrying i will ruin it..but i hope this time round..i'll make ASc grow stronger again...
we have a aim..lets works towards it....

*hanging-on....*

2005-12-01T00:06:00.000+08:00

why...Why...WHy..WHY...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm tired..really tired...give me a break man!!

why do i have such character...can i just dun care...oh man...i'm caring too much..i'm making myself too stress...oh man oh man oh man..lEt me DIE...

one prob after the other...i'll get heart attack sooner or later man...i think sooner better...die faster...dun need care bout ALL the problems!!!!..

i'm going crazy...No..i'm crazy now...arhhhhhh....whY...wHY....WHY!!!!!!!
HAIZ....

i just feEl liKe cRying OUT LOUD!!!...but i got nO teArs....heArt so sOur but caN't cry...

i'll be alright...i will be...i have to be...*

2005-12-01T00:01:00.000+08:00

i'm going crazy...i'M goiNg crazy...I'M GOINg CraZy...I"M GOING CRAZY....AHHHHHHHHH!!!

2005-11-30T09:35:00.000+08:00

was too tired to blog last night...today working afternoon shift....
should be doing work butthen no mood...should be sleeping butthen can't sleep...

yesterday almost cried two times outside...my tkd coach called me...though not asking me bout tkd but he's last sentence was...i dunno...make me miss them alot ba...
went back school after work...i know TP having tkd training so went to the sport hall to see...wanted to hide from them but they saw me...ha...
went to bow to my TP coach from outside the sport hall...he nodded his head...i almost cried again...
they ask when i'm going back for training...
i dunno..i'm not ready yet...
so use to having him around during training...feel so werid without him around to hold the target...to cheer me on..to support me through the training...
thought i miss training alot but i can't go back...
dun ask me why...i'm just not ready...
feel so guilty...wo dui bu qi my two coach...plus him will be 3...and jon...4....
very tempted to kick the target last night but too many ppl le...sigh...
yesterday got friendly match with one JC...watching halfway it rain...damn...worried bout club ppl but at the same time want to see them spar...guess wat...i chose club...having in mind i'm still in the club...and i have to make sure things are alright..see them drench and i'm dry..feel so bad...after that then i was like walking up and down the sport hall...one side is club..the other is tkd...
haiz....
dun worry dun worry...i'm alright..i'm fine....till the day i can't take it anymore then i guess i'll need to find a comfortable shoulder to flood on ba...
i must stay strong...i have to....there are many more things for me to do...i cannot break down...i cannot give up...

hope things will be alright for u gal...hoping..and praying...*

*how long can i last....*

2005-11-28T17:30:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling better now...after today's service...
i must say HE is really amazing..
HE knows what i'm thinking...what i'm worried about..thank you very much...
i'll learn to have faith and hope in you..in my life...

thank you very much...*

2005-11-27T17:40:00.000+08:00

oh man, what's wrong with me...
why at this point of time i start thinking about such stuff...kinda too late eh...
after like 5mths...
oh man...hate this feeling....suddenly can't remember what is the diff b4 and after...
arg...i'm losing it...i dun wan to...somehow can't feel anything anymore...just another routine thingy..pls dun tell me all this while i've been lying to myself...i wont be able to take it man...

why am i always worrying about so many other stuff when i myself can't manage my own problems?..
always trying to help others but somehow i've neglected myself and my family...
i'm so sorry...i know i've spent lesser time with u all already but i still care and love u all...i just dunno how to show it out...i'm so so sorry..
pls take care mum...i know your hands are gtting rough and are peeling and in pain..your whole body is aching..i know..it does hurts when i see u like that...but when i'm infront of you..i just smile cos i dunno how to react...
pls take care dad...your health...i suppose the rashes are gone already ya?..what your diet k...thanks for preparing breakfast for me every morning...
pls take care bro...sleep early..hope everything is fine in school ya...thanks for those letters your wrote to me...

pls take care too dear sis...dun think so much k..everythings gonna be fine..hope u know what u're doing too gal...

cried last night...also dunno why i cry..was lying on my bed..then suddenly the sour feeling came again..then tears roll down till i doze off...

maybe after a year or two??...we can become frens again...
for now...maybe we are strangers....but do take care pls...sorry...

*nuMb*

2005-11-26T17:03:00.000+08:00

hmm...pretty tired now..played badminton..ha..
i wasn't angry...ya..sorry if i've shown attitude...

told her what i did ...feeling better..glad she wasn't sad or disappointed..
butthen still worried...really hoping u r recovering slowly...*hoping and praying..*

i'm fine i'm fine...i must tell myself i am...

the day is coming...am i really ready...what does it really mean...to me..it's just a event...nothing special...

my little brain is exploding..haha...so many things inside now...i can't help it but to think about them...many stuff...really many stuff...haha...

am i ready??*

2005-11-21T18:00:00.000+08:00

had a great time today ya..went out with emily and sheewee after church..to Kbox and then eat fish & co..ha..the food is nice..maybe it's becos of the people but not the food yea...ha..kk..but fish & co is my fave resturant ..so ya..everything is nice..haha..

I'm sorry..i can't help but to feel this way..sorry gal..

oh man, i saw my tkd coach today...my heart beats very fast when i see him ar...was like trying to hide away from him..i scare he sees me...i scare he ask me question..he know i and him break already..but i still scare..he once ask him why i must break up with him..just talk things out can already ar...haiz..
the parents also see us as one good couple..butthen...yea..i dunno how to face the parents too...

flashes of tkd tournaments and training came back..flashes of tkd camp came back...flashes of us came back...
i miss you but there's nothing i can do becos we are frens now..i want to be fren..so i shouldn't think so much..memories are still memories...they will be remembered...

when can i train tkd again....

2005-11-19T17:00:00.000+08:00

went for club meeting after work..
was really glad to see them...miss club so much..
was kinda tired on the way there ar...took a cab..but got jam..cos of the rain ar..and cos of one stupid accident...it's only a small accident ar..then this two ppl jam the whole express way..still stop their car at the Right lane...lucky someone share cab with me...if not i will need to pay like $18.60...

club event starting next wed...hope things will go well..still quite messy...i'm worry..but ya...have to trust my members rite..
anyway, wanna thank my vice president grace...she is really doing a good job...problems will arise...just have to solve it one by one...your event is a big one so ya...there will be stress...learn to manage it ya...eh...dun doubt yourself..you are doing fine...

hmm..tkd stuff again...one of my tkd fren asked if next thur i'm going to a tkd chalet organised by him and his fren..eh...he asked me b4..i think i said yes if my work schedule allows me to..but i got club event ...haiz...how man..

hope ya 2% better today...eh...i'm sorry...

2005-11-18T16:30:00.000+08:00

hope after singing u felt a little better..but those song u chose hor..hmm..nvm..maybe cos my songs limited ar...so ya..ha..
hmmm...i hope u are getting better...if only just 1% also good...slowly slowly..i know u need time...*pray hard hard*

i'm so lazy...everyday dun feel like doing work..my work is pilling up again..ha...

how are you?..it's been awhile since i last saw u eh...think ur're quite busy with the wcg thingy now..hope u are enjoying urself...
u really have a "good feeling" bout the gal?..eh...got common topic ar?...hmm..ok..ok..
only fren rite..eh..hmm..nvm...what am i thinking man..arg..

2005-11-17T03:58:00.000+08:00

this blogskin looks like my previous one eh..white background..give ppl a peaceful feEing...
hoW i hope my hEart will bE as peAcefuL as it toO...

sudDenly, felt sO loSt...felt sO bAd..feLt so wrOng..felt so guiLty..felt so..arg..i dunNO...
i became a "ya ba" todaY..i dunno wAt to saY to hEr...but aS loNg as i cAn seE hEr..cAn See thAt she's stiLl oK..it's enOugh le...
sEeing u like that is reAlly very sucky...but i gueSs it's sOmething u nEed to gO through..
i ratHer u pAin noW thEn later bUt at the sAme tIme..it reaLly doEs huRt..
my sMall liTtle hEart tuRn sour whEn i seE u...
it seEms tHat it's me thAt has sTarted all thIs..
iN the eNd, u are sufferinG..aNd i'm hEre doIng notHing but jUst woRryiNg...arg...

cAme into coNtact with tkd recently eh...aRe u trYing to teLl me somethIng?...fiRst is the sMs telling me to go back traiNing...second is tHe question yesterday..thiRd is i sAw a tkd clAss at a neW renovated CC..aNd i knOw that iNstructor..
fouRth is my secOndary School friend suDDenly asKed mE whY i stOp training..
fiFth is sOmeoNe asked mE if i Know aboUt a tkD pErformAnce...aiyaya..whAt's wRong..
i miss trAining but..nVm..
hmm..i shOuld stOP thinkIng lE..hahA..

criEd on the wAy hoMe though...just fEel like cRying..soMething is mAking me feEling very the sour...
guesS it's seEiNg u sufFering and mE thinKing of tkd (whiCh eventually led to hIm)..
but i'm oK..reAlly ok..liFe stiLl gO oN...=)..

i'M prAying..reAl hard..

2005-11-16T17:10:00.000+08:00

went to see a pagent compeition today...quite a big event..quite impressed by the whole thing...hmm..*start to day dream le...wonder if ASc can organise such big event ornot..hmm..AS D&D...hmm...eh..*

well...things are quite the same everyday...nothing much to update...
oh..just realise i'm single for 3mths le..haha..so fast eh...

u called me that day...why?

i'm fine..i'm ok..don't worry..just thinking of some stuff...
miss training again..recently recieved some sms..dunno from who..ask me go back training..IVP coming soon..hmm..wonder who is it..i wish i could..but i can't..haiz..2reasons..2resasons..

i always stumble over this question: "why you stop tkd training? "
my reply: "cos no time"...normally ppl will stop asking after this but today..there is a reply..
" no time?...excuse...tkd training only at night..where got no time.."..haha..well...dunno what to say too..just smile..and smile and smile...

i dunno if i've done the right thing...to asked you to solved your problem fast..solve it now at this point..it seems that it's making you more confused..more sad..this feeling sucks..but i hope that's the best thing to do..to stop you from moving in circle again and again...i really hope things will get better..cos i really dunno if i've done the right thing...that's why i'm hoping...i scare i've make things worst..but sorry gal..i guessed i'm really too busybody le..arg...i feel SO BAD NOW...sorry gal..sorry...
i really pray that thing will be over for u..really over...
i pray that you will be fine..
i pray that everything will be alright..

*i hoping..and praying...*

2005-11-11T16:30:00.000+08:00

dUn like this stupid feeling i'm hAviNg now..
wHY am i cRying over such matter...
whY mUst i compaRe...

i guess if u does feEl betta theN cAn le ba...

tO myself : u cAn't alwAy expect evErytHing to bE yOurs...everytHing to Be in your contRol..youR way..
u have to unDerstand thIs world is nOt ruLed by yoU...evEryoNe has his or Her oWn choIce....
evEryOne wiLl in tHe eNd livE their owN worLd..hAve theiR owN fAmiLy...hOw loNg do u wAn thE pErsoN to sTay witH u?....dUn hoLd oNto iT toO tiGht..oNe dAy whEn it's goNe..u wilL feEl evEn moRe hUrt...uR hEart wiLl bE eVen moRe soUr thEn nOw...bUt i dO treAsure u aLot...reAlly...whAt i cAn dO is this mucH...

cAn't imagiNe i'M stiLl aBle to wiSh hiM haPpy 2nd yeAr anNiversary..hAha..
cAn't imagiNe i cAn stilL joke witH hiM bout it...
i'm so blOodly proud oF myseLf...
anD i'm glAd u aRe 90% reCovereD...goOd goOd...
haHa...

oH shuCk...brAin nuMb..cold cold one..ha..so fuNny....

*..emotioN-lEsS....sPeEch-lEsS..*

2005-11-10T13:59:00.000+08:00

went back to work today...still feeling sick..
fever down but still having sore throat..very the pain..first time so pain..
no voice too...not even a sexy voice..is totally no voice now..haHa..also good...dun need to talk...haiz...
some rashes appeared on my hand...eh..are you thinking what i'm thinking...ha..that's the second syptom so far...feeling abit feverish now..BUt not shivering..no joint pain...can't remember got bitten ornot..but it doesn't matter...hA...kk...

tml is thursday...
ya...tml is thursay..eh...
should i or should i not...haHa...kk..

Dear gal, i'm not angry..i'm worried...if i sound harsh..pls forgive me...
Dear sheewee, pls take care too...we two sound yucky now man...two sick birds now...haHa...

*Keeping my dear fren and sista in prayer*
*keeping my family in prayer*

2005-11-09T14:13:00.000+08:00

heLlo guys,
guess what!!...i didn't work today..haHa..cos i'm SICK...yeahyeah..ha...kk..i'm crazy..
always wanna get sick ar...at last i am le..hee...got one day mc..should take 2days man..
now still have fever...had sore throat..cough and a little bit of flu..
oh ya..i went back school too...feel so good to be in school man...
went to take my scholarship and so some club stuff..hee..
our ITAS canteen okay already...fren say there really like food court...got air con one lei...butthen some food there cmi..hope we got time can go back there to eat man..hee..

hmm...something happen last sunday..which makes me realised how fortunate i am...eh...was laughing to myself the whole day..haHa...thank you very much..(you know who you are)..

feel like taking another day mc..really sick of working man...
wanna stay at home finish up the things i haven do yet..SIP logbook..MP proposal..club stuff..haiz...keep dragging them...aiyoyo...

alright...i shall stop here already...

*hoping you will be fine*

2005-11-06T17:42:00.000+08:00

feeling rather worried this few days...
worried bout my project..worried bout my club..really felt drifted away..
thought i could handle it..but looks like i can't ..i've over-estimated myself..
i dun have the mood..dun have the strength to do things..
sorry guys...
i really wanna see the club grow..see the club get close together..see the club becoming to a big family working together to serve the school...to have fun..to create a bond..to have the passion like the ex comm once had...
pls help me get the passion back..i want it back!!...
i miss you guys...i miss the ex comm...i miss roy my vicepres..i miss peiling and sheewee my secretaries..i miss emily and joanna my treasurers..i miss fadhli and jem my welfare..i miss jingkai and alan my quatermaster..i miss qian hui and eugene my publicity..i miss shuiyi and woanting my subcomm coordinator..i miss yanming..my publice relation officer...
haiz...where are u guys...why am i alone here with shuyi...
SHUCK mAN...really hate this feeling...i Dun WANNA GET DRIFTED AWAY FROM THE CLUB>>>PULL ME BACK PLS!!!

10Nov..coming nearer...i fear that day...it's a thursday..i'm working 10am to 6.30pm..should have the strenght to do one thing...it's been a long time since i've gone there...
10 Nov...a day i'll never forget..a day tt will make my heart turn sour again...

where and who can i pour my worries to...to GOD above?...
never "talk" to HIM for like 3weeks?...haiz...
must i act strong infront of you too?...haiz...

i know stress is ownself find one..but how to relax?..
being the leader..one have to be steady...then others will feel "safe" under you..
acting strong is so tiring...i'm falling apart..club..and project group...haiz..

*i wan back the passion*

2005-11-04T00:47:00.000+08:00

hmm...what is the emotion i'm feeling now..hmm..jealous?..eh..yea..jealous..i am jealous..haiz...

ppl in my lab actually thought i'm with someone else there..OH MAN!!
i'll kill myself if i'm with that guy man..

but it kind of made me think..what have i done to make them think that way..
have i been too close with that person?
i dun think i am...
but it will be scary if they think i was but i myself think i wasn't.
this just show how suay pian, how open, how...dunno lar.. i am rite..
i'm just trying to show or should i say ACT concern...if not..our life there in the lab will not be good man..haiz..
just wondering how the world outside sees me...what an impression i've given to them...haiz..
ok..i'm thinking too much...

but those ppl who thought that way dun know me well...lucky my fren attached there never agree with them..
haiz..

things are starting to get worse each day in the lab...pls dun let anything happen...
my patience has reached a limit..i'll explode soon if it cont....i'm trying to control myself..i'm trying to ACT cheerful..
MP is getting onto my nerve..

2005-11-02T15:50:00.000+08:00

i'm pissed..i'm angry..i'm sad..i'm worried..i'm tired..i'm irritated..i'm hurt...
i'm on the verge of crying...
but i can't...
my heart is turning sour...a feeling i got when i'm REALLY sad and hurt..
but no..i'm not going to cry now..not at this moment..

ARG...WHAT'S HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-31T18:15:00.000+08:00

it really seems that we have to be seperated far apart...
if only by doing so can make u forget...i guess i cannot be so selfish...to asked u to stick to my way.
Meaning of fate to both of us is different...this make me wonder is there such thing as fate.
one have walked too fast, the other is catching up behind..
as long as they love each other..it doesn't matter..
BUt like the actoress in the show all about love said, this couple is very ke lian..cos both cannot walked together down the path of life.
i've walked too fast down the road and you are trying hard to catch up.
i've walked too fast down the road..i cannot look back now...not at this moment

it's true i still hope we can be together, but not now.
i can't ask you to wait becos i cannot promise you i will get back together with you.
so i have to ask you to forget about me...ask you to let go..
i may sound alright but inside me...i'm struggling...
i cannot predict the future...i can only see the present situation...
i'm really sad that this relationship will turn out like that...

we really cannot be fren?
cannot meet up for years?
haiz...
it's hard for me to say this...but i have to...forget ba..let go ba...like the show..just take it that i'm dead...don't hold on anymore...find a new gf to forget me..
i hope the gal will treat you good..really...
even though we can't be fren...in my heart..you will always be..
take care pls...
for the last time...pls allow me to say this...i really miss being with you...

2005-10-29T17:57:00.000+08:00

hey gal,
no sorry should be between us remember..
actually...i kinda expected it...i mean as in u not being able to let go at this point of time...
that day u did that without really thinking through..
u did it in the mist of anger and..i dunno..eh..that's why i kept asking you WHY WHY WHY.....
but but but...dun worry gal..
i took like dunno how long to move on too...must say i'm still trying to move on..but i'm doing fine i guess..and i hope..hmmm..why did i say hope eh...hmm..ha..
anyway i'll always be here for u dear gal......
don't need to say sorry...
just be strong..learn to put down slowly...
yes, the road may seem hard but don't doubt yourself gal..
if you ever do..always remember i'm here and HE is too..
take care sis...
this is all i ask from you...

2005-10-28T14:28:00.000+08:00

I AM ANGRY....haiz...

why...dunno what to say..dunno what to do...

2005-10-23T17:44:00.001+08:00

hey,
finally manange to change my blog song to this current one..it's a christian song
find it very meaning...very true..

title of song: you carried me

yes, you did....
you carry me through all of my trials..
you carry me when i was troubled and alone..
when my strength has gone ...couldn't get along, without you
you carry me so i wouldn't stumbled..
you carry me just when i needed someone else..
you would be a fren..
and i reach the end..
cos you carry me....

2005-10-21T17:56:00.000+08:00

i hope everything is over...
it's really time to let go...

you should too...
pls take good care of yourself...
do not ponder about the past le..
you have to move on too...

Dear sis..glad we finally took the first step to move on too...
lets work together ya...
take care gal...

2005-10-20T17:33:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i cried.....feeling the sour-ness in my heart..again..
things always happen when i thought it's getting better...WHY!!!!

i simply just hate myself..

do not hurt yourself gal...wont feel good to see u like tt..not forcing u to solve ur prob immediately
just dun wan u to make urself feel so xin ku..i know it's hard..it's always hard to let go or should i say pour out your feeling...but...ya..takes time...pls dun let urself suffer...
Pray about it..

2005-10-17T15:20:00.000+08:00

a week is gone...again...so fast ya...
weekends are always short...i wonder why...hmm..haha..
well...i'm feeling quite alright now...
Thank you guys for your care and concern...
Thank you my dearest sis...
Thank you dear father...strengthen my faith..strengthen me...

hmm...mum went to my church today...kinda happy...
*Praise the Lord*
hope she likes my church...=)
hope she will feel more comfortable here...

went to celebrate Yingyou birthday after church...
reallly feel very nice to be with friends again man...lots of things to crap about..
we were eating at a cafe in cinileisure...food there not bad...$$ also quite reasonable..
will go back there to eat one day..=)
hmm..bought a earring too..haha..long long time since i wear one..ha..

Take care my frens...all of you...one mth of SIP is over..4 more to go...jia you ppl!!!
Take care sis too..
will pray GOD to be with you all times ya...
watching over you...pour all your worries and trouble unto HIM ya..
HE will help you through...
keeping you in my prayer..

2005-10-14T18:20:00.000+08:00

I thank you for bringing her into my life..just like an angle..looking after me..

i thank her...for her patience...for her care and concern...for her willingness to share my burden..
i thank her for not leaving me alone..
thank you very much...
no sorry indeed...should be between us..
but still...i'm sorry for being so stubborn..i'm sorry for making u hurtful seeing me like that..
i know you have been trying hard to "wake me up"..i know..and i appreciated that..
i will cont. to search for my smile...cont. to search for my faith..
pls always be by my side like i will always be by yours...

timid and afraid you can be..but i'm always here..if u need anything..or anyone..
what i said may not be right..but i just hope u will be alright soon....
i do not know how to help you..i can only give you my point of view...
i do not want to see you putting all the prob onto yourself..but to say it out..
i want to be by your side when u are down..
i do not want to be kept in the dark...i want to..be like you..allow me to share your burdens too...
i pray and asked that HE will guide you and help you through this period of time...
i really hope HE will...

Thank you very much...for being here for me..
Thank you very much...for not giving up hope in me but instead..kept trying hard to "wake me up"
Thank you very much...my dear sis...

2005-10-14T15:31:00.000+08:00

walked home today..again..
that's all i wanna say..
take care people..

losing my faith in you...
i'm tired..

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.

2005-10-12T15:35:00.000+08:00

hello guys,
how is everyone?
hmm..i'm still at the immunology section..next week then change to biochem..eh..
nothing much to update about SIP..everyday do the same thing..but i labelled samples for this two days...to me, that's the easiest..ha..but my back ache like mad..how i wish someone can help me massage man..haiz..

hmmm...have been emotion-less recently...or rather... i wish i could be emotion less..
someone asked me a question again..." have you regret..letting go your bf..".and .." why did you chose club and fren but not him..?"
i gave a thought and said:" ya..i did...i did regret.."..but i dunno how to answer the second question..
i guess he is rite...being in the club is something i like..i'm doing things i like..i guess i'm not matured enough to handle so many committment..i regret not balancing my time well..i regret not being a good gf..i regret for what i have done to him..
haiz..if we were still together...today will be our 23rd month plus 2days anniversary..but it isn't...3 more days will be 2 months...it has been two months since i last see him...i do miss you you know?...but i can only miss you now..you said the joanne you know is gone already...i dunno how to answer you..i dunno what to response...all i know is i can only miss you now...i miss your hugs..your kisses...your tenderness...your care and concern..your love..
today i walked home from tampines interchange...ya..i walked and run back..
just feel like running...i ran to tuesday training place..
was hoping i could see him...just wanna peep at him...see how is he..
was hiding when i reach..heart was pumping fast..partly cos i run..partly cos i'm afraid he will see me..but but but..he no longer teach there anymore...hmmm...so sad...so..dunno how to describe...
how have you been...how are you??...

dun need to say sorry my dear sis...if you were sorry..then i am too...i didn't notice you were feeling down too gal..
i didn't wanna tell you i'm not feeling good cos i know u will be worried...hmmm...but if both of us have the same thinking...not wanting to make each other worried...then i think we are not being true with each other rite?..you understand?..but again..i said b4 i'll try to understand you....i'll be patient and etc..wait till you wanna share then tell me..haiz..i also dunno how to say ar..think you should understand ba?..hmm..
dunno what trigger you to think of the past again...but hope you are fine... i'll be around if you need someone k...always will be...ake care too..

2005-10-07T16:20:00.000+08:00

the world is so small.
one of the ex TP student working in my attachment place learn tkd too.
and her ex bf was someone we know...and the people we knows she knows too..
she say maybe she saw me in one of the tournaments b4..eh..
there it goes...trigger my mind to think of the past again..

she asked if i'm still training...i say no and she ask why..haiz...i must say the reason i'm in tkd is becos of him..most of it is becos of him..but i do like tkd..like it when after training i'm perpiring like mad..nice..i miss the training days..i really do..the sound from the target after kicking..the satification after kicking your opponent head..the fulfillment after breaking a plank...the dangerous stunts we performed...together...so nice to have a couple performing together rite...haiz...

someone asked me...if i were given a chance to get back with him...will i do it?
i said no...becos i know i will hurt him again...
he replied...meaning you still care for him alot rite...
and i guess..ya..i still care for him alot..

that person asked me that question on the bus..and i cried..i'm sitting facing the back of the bus..and i cried..so ma lu...then i faster get down the bus and walked home..
was crying while walking...
then i went to the small park near my house...and cried there...
feel the urge to call him...but i dare not...i dare not face him...i just feel so sorry for what i've done...
i'm really sorry...

2005-10-06T15:40:00.000+08:00

hello..
i'll be tranfered to biochemistry section next week onwards for 3weeks .
kinda sad cos i'll miss doing what i'm doing now..eh.
just got the hand of it ar..then need to change section le.

i'm very tired recently.. guessed its becos i've loss too much water on saturday night..
didn't sleep well too..

i worried too..SIP...MP..ASc..feeling the stress le...guess it me...always worrying and giving myself stress...
at this state i am now..i'm not able to cope...i'm tearing apart le.
i did distribute work to other members and i know you guys are great but i'm still worried.
after reaching home after work...i will need to check mail...reply mail..
not many things to do now for club but in my mind..like alot...shucky feeling..
ASc is going full force with 5 advisors now..i think..eh...
Hope we will be able to fulfill the goal i set this AY...or am i expecting too much?..
i wan to do more solid projects but can't think of any...haiz..

I'm always too lazy to do research after work for my MP...shuck again...sat meeting up le..zero infor now...JOanne ar..can you start doing work?...PBL that time also like that..now MP also..MP 8 cu ar...GPA drop until like that already(comparing to myself) still dun wanna work hard..
haiz..

both of us noe that we can't get back together unless i change back to who i am in the past...
why...why did i change to a person like that with such charactor now...selfish..amibitous..irresponsible...
i'm too lazy to do anything...i'm drifting apart again...

2005-09-30T01:54:00.000+08:00

hello...
no mood to blog recently..
so sorry...
but everything is fine...physically...but not emotionally...
my SIP is good..people there are nice and funny...
getting used to my rountine work already..
do manual test...do until the thumb cramp cos need to keep pressing the pipette up and down to do serial dilution...sort sample..label sample...centrifuge..do testing..keep sample...
next week will be busy week cos my lab doing some project with KK hosp...then not enough ppl...so i'm transfered to the biochemistry side for 3days...to VDRL testing..done it at the Immuno section le..so i guess i'll be alright..
my section head very funny...suddenly one day ask my three other frens working there " where is Joanne...i miss her.."...oh my...now my frens kept making fun of me..say she's my god mother...
then today..she sms another immuno collegue..." Fendi (the person name), where is Joanne?"..ha..i dunno what time she mesg Fendi...but it's either i'm outside buying food or finish eating lunch went back to work le..eh..so funny...at first see her very fierce one ...dun dare to talk to her but now..hmm...starting to talk and joke le..
but after a week...we will rotate le..dunno what section i'm going next..
oh ya...next week got 4 Singapore Ploy year 2 students coming for attachment but only for a mth...what are they going to learn man..anyway...hope it will be fun..

i'm sorry..really very sorry..i know it's my fault that everything turn out this way...if i knew this is going to happen...i won't even wanna start and in the end hurt you so much...
but i do have wonderful time with you...never regret being with you..but i'm sorry i've hurt you...
many memories came back recently...where i go..what i do...i can't stop..when i saw couple..i will think even more..think of the past..what we do..where we go..
something is making it worst...just can't stop thinking and blaming myself...why...the only time i'm not thinking is when i'm working...SHUCK...but i'm too tired to work too...

my back is aching..my legs are hurting..my heart is tearing...

2005-09-20T01:50:00.000+08:00

yoz ppl!!
first day of SIP...hmm..not bad...
many foreigner worker there...didn't really talk to them yet..
except for the guy guiding me...FENDI___..he's a indonesian ar..then got Willie..ex Tp student..got a few others also ex Tp one..eh..
was posted to the immunology section-test for HIV, syphillis and etc..yea..meaning i'm dealing with blood that may contain such virus..ha..but i haven touch those sample yet ar...tried 2 tests today..those agglutination one..learn abit bout the machine...
then afternoon..sort out sample..got stool sample..pus..swab..blood...lihuey saw green urine..eh..she today observe the microscope for malaria parasite..using the QBC technique..ha...sound familiar ya..kk..
but i afternoon got nothing to do after sorting the sample...whole day reading the SOP and manual until i sian man..
hope tml got things to do ba..
hmm...kinda sad...cos next week will be working from 1pm-9pm everyday..sat also need to work..1pm-5pm..haiz..what a weird timing...cannot slack with other frens..hmm..anyway..just hope i'll learn many many things from there...
all the best ppl...

2005-09-19T16:20:00.000+08:00

something is bothering me...i cannot get it out of my mind...the feeling is shucky!!!
haiz...
wish i could turn back time...

SIP tml..oh..i mean later in the morning..but i'm still here online..haha..so fan jian...
waking up at 5.45am tml..meaning i got 4hrs plus to sleep later..
lets hope everything will go smoothly...

why am i thinking about such stuff now..i dun get it..why now...why make me think of it..
Arg...

*trying hard to sleep*

2005-09-18T14:51:00.000+08:00

hello guys,
don't have the mood to blog anything recently.
going for attachment soon..this coming monday at 8.30am..
will need to take a 15mins bus ride to interchange then a 50mins MRT ride to Buona Vista then another 10mins bus ride to reach my attachment place..hmm..
quite worried actually..besides SIP we still need to do our Major Project..
each has report and logbook to do...interviews and etc.

doubting my ability..i shouldn't be but i am...
take care my dear frens out there...
treasure the time in school...studying is still the best thing...
treasure the frens you have made in your life...frens that clique are hard to find..
treasure your love ones too...

*best wishes to all*

2005-09-15T14:59:00.000+08:00

helLo guys!!
i'm back from night cycling!!..haha..SHIOK!!..but butt super pain now ar..haha..
cos i and emily using own bike..so we cycle from tampines to east coast to meet 9 other frens..then cycle from east coast to SERAGOON!!!..haha..first time cycling so far man..then ate prata and cycle back to east coast again...reach there around 5am..then slack and rest till 7plus go home..haha..yeah..will be waiting for another one man..but i think hard le ar..cos i'm going attachment next monday le...OMG!!

kk..i'm posted to doctorslab Diagnostic Pte. Ltd...at Buona Vista..haha...science park..haha...so far ar!!!...got 3other frens same as me...monday report 8.30am...super early ar!!!...kk..anyway..really hope everything will be fine..and smooth...still have to do Major Project alson...alot of things to do for Major Project lei...hai...

hao le..i tired le...gonna go orh orh le...
those fren who are posted to places you dun wan to go...dun be sad k...
take care frens..

2005-09-12T15:10:00.000+08:00

yoz!!..
hmm...let me see...friday went back to school to discuss bout club stuff then in school saw one of the ex-ASc member..lester..the first batch one..hmm..talked for 1 hour....then didn't meet sis..so sorry ya..hee..
well..asked him for advise..bout organising solid project and etc...eh..yea..nice chat with him..
think ASc is really an amazing club..really let ppl get bonded to it..get bonded to the people in there...it's the passion that we all have man..

sat: stayed at home the whole day...watch GUNDAM..again..ha..and pack my room..
pack school stuff...club stuff and
our stuff...sob sob..cried..cos i took out everything he gave me..and memories just flow and flow and flow...now..there are saved in a box...except those soft toys..very sad...those cards he made..those stars he folded..those movie we watched..and one cd of our photos and the "love me" song he created..the braclet and watches he gave and flowers...bears..haiz..it's all over le...
hope he is getting better...really hope so...

sun: went church then had class..very interesting class..=)..then went chilling out with sis..ha...walk until dunno where to walk...walk until leg pain sia..ha..then i bought two tops and a water bottle..past few days i bought a short and a converse top..ahha...i learning to buy clothes le!!..haha..okok..must control..but i still wan more clothes and jeans and short..and..ha..kk..

tml going back to sec school..gonna meet up with two of my teachers..so excited...very long never see them le...then meeting a secondary school fren..he is going to pass me my birthday present..eh..yea..
looking forward for tuesday to come man ...first: i will know where i will be posted to for SIP...second: i'm going for NIGHT CYCLING!!..haha..yea yea..happy happy..
i still wanna go Sentosa one lei..before SIP starts..dunno got chance ornot..aiyaya...kk..
i shall end le man...type so long le...
pray hard i wont be sick man....my nose are running now sia...hmm..kk
take care my frens...

*chasing back my nose.. -_-''' *

2005-09-10T03:40:00.000+08:00

yoz ppl!!
today KBOX was FUN!!..haha...
quite hyper at the beginning..sing and clap and move move body...
very happy to see all of them...together..ha..got 16 of us went..the room super big..
i think i sound very man now..ha..cos abit no voice le..

alright..mood start to change after they sang the xuen ze duet song..i almost cried...
we always sing that song when we go Kbox...the lyrics...tt time when i sing..i really sang from the bottom of my heart...but i broke the promise..come to think of it...the relationship will end up like that is really becos of me...u really should not think of me anymore..not worth it...Argg...

then after awhile..tried hypering up again..but i guess i'm abit tired too..so no strength le..ha..
It's great to see yanming...peiling and fad again man...miss ya so much...
take care yangming and fad...you two going to become MAN soon ya..haha...
train hard..slack hard...rest well..eat well...haha..
see you guys after 3weeks!!!

2005-09-08T15:05:00.000+08:00

hEy gUys!!
finally, it's over...last exam paper in TP...finished!..kinda happy but sad too..
studying is really the best thing in life...even though i haven start work yet but i do know working is boring..aiyaya..
still thinking whether to cont. studying or work first.. some of my frens are checking out on oversea Uni and etc le...i here still slacking..alamak...see SIP how first ba..haiz..

went to cut and highlight my hair yesterday...yup yesterday..ha...my frens were like..WHAT..you so RELAX ar..ha..then..i wore skirt to school today..HAHA..
first time wear to school..the other time i changed in school..that's for my AY04/05 AGM one..this time round is wear to school..ha..
so jing zhang in the morning...dunno is jing zhang for my paper or cos i pai sei i wear skirt..
anyway...there are many iNterEsting remarks..ha..got ppl say i AA=attract attention..got ppl came to ask me for 4 numbers ..they wanna buy 4D...some say the pigs are flying..got one gal say...will fall in love with me..hAhA..
of cos got ppl say i pretty and cute ar..ops..ha..kk...i shall stop here le..ha..*flying flying*..ha..

After paper went out with emily and sheewee..to cineleisure watch HERBIE FULLY LOADED..ha..very nice show..very funny and cute..but i teared in there also..ha..got some sad part ba...yup..i teared easily..eh..
cineleisure...hmm...many memorises again..the coke mini cafe..the cinema..hmm..kk..
after that went to IKEA..the food there is nice..the cheesecake is great..ha..
have a great time there...eh..
tml going Kbox..hope will be fun too..

alRight..that's all for now...
take care ppl...miss yA guYs so much...

All the best for your tml paper...good luck..

2005-09-06T17:27:00.000+08:00

why am i still awake?...eh..
went to my old blog and read all the entries..
good memoeies flows, bad memories flow...tears flow..
this year is really a very "challenging" year for me...emotionally challenging...

i know i shouldnt be reading those now but i dun seem to be getting over it...
why?....why use the word hate...it's such a strong word to use...hai...

2005-09-06T14:55:00.000+08:00

hEllo helLo...blogging again..
lastest update: my E700 phone spoil le..currently deciding whether to repair it which will cost bout 80-100bucks or just live with one phone...but i got 2number..hmm..
jus finish bbank paper...still alright..
choing bpharm later..
think this sem result will be C+ C+ B and B..haiz...not being extreme..but i stating the fact...LMQA is PBL...from experience..my PBL sub always get C+...DDCT..memory subject which i suck at it...Bpharm..maybe can aim B..bblood..i wanna score for it but dun think can cos of my quizzes and termtest..did badly..haiz..whatever...it's over..

so many disasters happening...feeling so sad..so lost..what's happening?...is it all planned?..eh..
got typhoon..flood...fire..plane crash...we singaporean are really lucky man..

so sad i'm hated by someone now...have i done wrong?...thanks for trying to be friend with me...i got nothing much to say..

*crying with the nation*

2005-09-04T14:37:00.000+08:00

nothing much happen today...just study...play guitar...study....play guitar...then sis go beach never tell me!!..ha...kk..
hope wat i studied went in..
dad watching anime now...GUNDAM..haha...quite nice to watch lei...i cried..
talking about friends...war...become enemy cos they are force too..killing..revenge...haiz..
nowaday so many disaster also..what's happening man?

glad 2 know my dear sis has sort out things le..=)..haha..
glad...really glad..

its been 19days.....
how are u....haiz...

*can't stop blaming myself..*

2005-09-03T05:50:00.000+08:00

hAha!!....
i know i shouldn't be doing this now ar...but ya..
i've learn how to upload songs to my blog le!!
haha...thanks Sheewee!!

kk...got to go study le..imagine..i only finish one topic of Bpharm from 1pm to now..haha..

*signing out*

2005-09-02T13:40:00.000+08:00

today is a boring day...
stay at home the whole day but only manage to study 5topic of bloodbank ....i got 12 topics to study ar...
haven touch Bpharm..shuck...

it's really no good to be alone at home...especially at this moment...at this type of situation...think and think and think...JoAnNe aR...stop thinking can ornot...haiz..

Knew something...kinda sad again...it just tells me he has not get over it yet...he is still very sad...haiz..

been thinking about...my school life...always a loner...eversince from sec sch...dun have clicks...always mixing around with different people..different group...sometimes..just alone...is it a good thing or a bad thing...?
the good thing will be : i won't feel drifted apart from the group if i have other committment...i can just do whatever things i want...can go anywhere i want...
the bad thing will be : sometimes...i'll just be alone..it always happen...
feel weird when i just join any of the groups...then after that...go seperate ways...eh...

but i'm really glad i have two good fren from poly now...my da jie emily and also sheewee...really thank you...
my xiAo mei from sec sch...dorothy..even though we seldom meet up but ya..eh...just the bond rite...
these are the only good frens i have...living in this world for 19years...eh...
sec school frens...pri school frens...haiz...only when we are having our once a year gathering then will chat chat...after that...no more...even on msn...won't talk to each other too...haiz...my tkd frens...i think i'll be seperated from them le ba...tkd...where good memories flow..but sad ones too...as for club...i dunno...dun dare to put my hope so high...life is unpredictable rite...haiz....i thought after my sec sch,my sec school frens will still contact each other but things just change..new friends..new environment...new comittment...haiz...
As for my three good frens..they have their other friends..other committment too...so..ya..can't always be with me rite...eh...sometimes..just feel abit pai sei to look for you guys..cos i know you all got other friends too..if you tell me to join you guys...i guess you will know my answer...i will feel extra...haiz...dunno what i'm typing liao ar...haiz..
get a liFE man JoAnNe...

*getting emotional...*