my First Day of CNY :
went to church..
flooded the church...dunno why..but i guess there are things that are still bothering me...
projects?...club?...family?...hmmm...i dun feel any saddness actually...just so tired..about everything...feeling numb i guess...
my family...kinda feel that i've distanced from them..not that they have neglected me...they still love me alot...but i'm the one who is distancing away from them...i dun like to share my prob with them...they know it...not becos of their nagging...but just feel that it wont make any different ba...my prob just add into their worries..like to keep to myself..eh...talk lesser to them now...bleah...

hmm..after church went home..sleep for awhile...aunt came to eat lunch..thanks to my BROTHER and my two little cousins...they SHOCK me up lar...haha..
well....seeing the two kids brightens up my day..there are so cute lo...so pretty and handsome..haha...and they can sing lo...=)...
after they went back..my family played majong...4ppl..just nice...lost 7bucks..haha..
then went to watch movie...I Not Stupid Too...typical Jack Neo show...cry and laugh and cry and laugh...=)
then went home...
End of First Day..
It's so different compared to last year (when i'm still attached)..and two years back(when my grandma is still around)...haiz...boring CNY...

Today:
wake up take family photo..then went to visit my late grandma...then my step grandma..then met emily..watch dvd at her house..then now..back home...alone..haha...
i kinda make myself look like a loner eh...haiz..dunno lar...just wanna be alone..tired of meeting ppl... smiling here and there when actually i dun feel like smiling at all....sian...
LIfe is no good now...arGh..!!
Tml meeting ex club members go visiting...let's hope i will really enjoy myself..and not trying to fake a smile out...haiz...i'm so tired...i feel like crying again...but i can't...so xin ku...argh!!

5 more mins to CNY...i just dun have the New YEaR mood...
haiz...
i miss grandma...
both my grandma actually...
haiz..

it's 9.53am..and yup...i'm at home again!!!..haha...i cheat my boss again?...haha...
going to attend a dialogue session with one of the MP at SP later at 3pm...talking about Female Leadership..hmm..interesting eh...gotta wear formal..oh man...let's hope everything will go well..
after that i'll be meeting jason...our event planner for D&D..quite rushing but no choice...response still low now..oh man..haiz..let's hope this friday...many people will approach me to sign up...eh...

watched the memoir of Geisha last night with my youth gp...the show was good i must say..did some catching up with them too..was a great night..

well, SIP ending soon...5mths is gone...that's real fast...chionging project like mad...after SIP will be chionging for club event...hmmm...it's my final year le...i'm starting to miss the club...haha...aiya..dunno what to blog now lar..headache again...dammit...how long will this headache last..let's see...

dear gal, take care of yourself k..i dunno what to say but you know me...

many things are happening around me...things that will affect me emotionally....things that will make my heart turn sour...things that i dunno how to handle....

time is running out...but i can't seem to do any work every night...
once i'm online...that's it..can't stop myself from coming online too...

Quite a disappointment with the response so far...different ppl different thinking...just hope we wont end up foking $$ to pay back....i think mine thinking is wrong...i should expect more from myself...

i'm really disappointed with some frens out there...just feel a sourness when talking to them...guess i've been living in my own world all this while...and they have moved on...but pls dun go too far...i dun wish to be waken up from that beautiful dream...i dun wish to know that it's been a lie all this while...

relationship...it's so complicated...
we often hope it will last...but i guess we cannot expect too much from it...
nobody knows what will happen in the future...nobody knows when things are going to change...
if it's not going to last then why be together in the beginning...
seperation...is something so heartbrokening...something so hard to bear....

i cried at the bus-stop...in my workplace...in school...in the train..in the bus...at home...outside..
felt so disappointed..so sad...so heart ache when such things happen...especially to something so dear to me..

sis is angry with me now.
i can't stop you if you wanna be angry with me...
or maybe you are angry with yourself for not being able to make me feel better...
i know you guys supports me...emotionally wise...
the truth is..it's not enough...
going through such situation physically alone....is not enough...
i've been saying i'm tired...i'm really tired le...in the past...i got a few of you by my side...including 2 seniors with me to take care of the club...
now there is only 1or maybe 2 taking care of 39ppl...
i may sound as if i'm force to cont. in it again...but the truth is
this club is so dear to me that i wont allow any of such to happen...
when it happened, i am sad...i am disappointed..

many time and effort, tears and laughter were used to build up the club...
bonds were created but some seems to have broken....
is doing all this worthwhile....i'm asking myself....

having headache AGAIN...for the past THREE nights...oh SHIT....haiz...
was tearing when i was playing the guitar this morning...suddenly rem...eh..haiz..

how i wish they are growing....only a few people are putting in their effort...their time and strength to get it running...how to function only with a few ppl...
why such things will happen?
is it becos i have been neglecting them?...it is becos i have not been a good president...
people aren't working as a team man...where has the bonding gone to...

i just feel so disappointed...with the club..the people...and myself...only certain ppl are putting in effort...and it has been tough on them...why you guys dun think about how they are coping...they are also busy and tired....but they are still trying hard...put yourself in their shoe guys...
i dun really know what's going on now...i really lost touch le...you guys may have your reasons for not turning up...but everyone has his or her own things to do too...where has the committment gone too....
i admit i'm like neglecting the club too..i am at fault..i am at fault...it's just so hard to handle club and work at the same time....what i can do is to hear from diff ppl now and then...
the club is different now...of cos i know it's different...if you find something is wrong...then do something to change it back...or even better...haiz...what wrong with everyone.....what wrong with me....i feel so helpless lar...so useless...i can't function alone...

i am doubting the happniess i felt for the past weeks?
i felt like crying now...i'm tired...

i'm at home now...it's 3.30pm..haha...
im just lazy to go work...erps...eh...
was suppose to go for a career talk butthen last minute dun need to attend le...
butthen i told my supervisor i'm not going work today...so...haha...yes...i cheated my boss...
whatever, i just need to have a good rest..
i need time to do my work...but...i haven start on any yet...DAMN!!!

i guess what's really from the past cannot be brought to the future...
i was tearing on the MRT on the way to sch...thinking about the above sentence...
my relationship and my club..hmm..
well have to moved on...

now it's 5.30pm. did some work just now..so..yup..completed what i wanna do though it's very little...haiz..nvm..tonight shall do again...
going to school now...sian...
it has become a responsibility rather then...i dunno...
haiz...nvm...where have my friends gone to...wo de jing sheng zhi zhu...
the group of friends are the ones who made me wanna go back even though i'm super busy and tired...oh man...things have changed...

hmm...my previous entry was not very nice ya...mood swing i guess..sorry..miss u guys ba..
but i understand...it's different now...i'll be alright..i got to move on and not look back rite..eh..it's hard but i got to do it..

well, went shopping but bought nothing...maybe tml getting a pants ba..
new year is just a normal day...nothing special to me anymore..
doesn't matter if i got new clothes to wear ornot..ha..
hee...i cut my hair...now got fringe...sis say my hair got style...ha..thanks ya..
yvonne say i pretty..say 3times somemore lei..haha...kk

whole day at home today...but sis was with me...=)..thanks gal, for coming over...
just love to disturb you when you are tired man..ops...hee...
time we've spent together...though we did nothing special, though it's short...but i treasure alot...
take good care of yourself...
this one month plus will be busy and tiring...must jia you k...

when are you going to talk to me again?...
must u do this to forget me?...oh man...
i'm not suppose to feel this way...

Going to miss us....Going to miss the club..
...ALL LIARS!!!
Move on..yea..Go go...fine with me...
YES, I'M ANGRY WITH YOU GUYS!!!!
first you guys leave me alone...now...this happen...GREAT!!!

I DUN NEED YOU GUYS...

have own reasons rite...okay lo...wont force one..dun wanna join then dun join...
dun join cos of me..dun join cos i'm angry now....it wont help..later join already not happy then blame me...join without a sincere heart also no use...
it just show me something...all these bonding are FAKE...
dun bother...dun even bother saying you guys miss the club...
LIARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's 10am...i'm here chiong-ing my MP...
hate it when i have to rush through things...
blame it on myself for being too lazy...and not learnt my lesson...
not putting any high hopes for my MP now...just hope can get at least a C grade...

may be going to some University Open House next week..still not sure what i wanna study..have to check out what course and module they offer man...

Tomorrow is his birthday...Happy Birthday To You...
22years old already...so fast...
dOn't think you will want to meet up rite?...
must be feeling super angry still...
really duNno what i can do nOw...

hopefully, one day we will be able to talk to each other again...till that day comes..take care...

stress StRess STRESS...
i'm dead..
breaking down..

*feeling abit funny still*

I'M BACK!!!...
it's a NEW YEAR!!...2thousand5 is over...here come 2thousand6..haha..
2005 has been a...hmm...what word to use..hmm...has been a .."CHALLENGING" year ba..
many significant events happened..
happy ones...sad ones...unforgettable ones...memorable ones..guilty ones..regretful ones...shocking ones..and many many ones...
thank you for all the wonderful moments guys..
as for sad ones..i believe it happened for a reason..so ya..move on peep..move on..ha...

a new year ahead...new start...new beginning...
have to be prepare to face many more obstacles...
main concern now will be my future i guess..
what am i going to study after poly...and where..oh man..
while...i'll see how things goes...ha..

take care my frens..
take care my family...
take care..

*A new beginning*