it really seems that we have to be seperated far apart...
if only by doing so can make u forget...i guess i cannot be so selfish...to asked u to stick to my way.
Meaning of fate to both of us is different...this make me wonder is there such thing as fate.
one have walked too fast, the other is catching up behind..
as long as they love each other..it doesn't matter..
BUt like the actoress in the show all about love said, this couple is very ke lian..cos both cannot walked together down the path of life.
i've walked too fast down the road and you are trying hard to catch up.
i've walked too fast down the road..i cannot look back now...not at this moment

it's true i still hope we can be together, but not now.
i can't ask you to wait becos i cannot promise you i will get back together with you.
so i have to ask you to forget about me...ask you to let go..
i may sound alright but inside me...i'm struggling...
i cannot predict the future...i can only see the present situation...
i'm really sad that this relationship will turn out like that...

we really cannot be fren?
cannot meet up for years?
haiz...
it's hard for me to say this...but i have to...forget ba..let go ba...like the show..just take it that i'm dead...don't hold on anymore...find a new gf to forget me..
i hope the gal will treat you good..really...
even though we can't be fren...in my heart..you will always be..
take care pls...
for the last time...pls allow me to say this...i really miss being with you...

hey gal,
no sorry should be between us remember..
actually...i kinda expected it...i mean as in u not being able to let go at this point of time...
that day u did that without really thinking through..
u did it in the mist of anger and..i dunno..eh..that's why i kept asking you WHY WHY WHY.....
but but but...dun worry gal..
i took like dunno how long to move on too...must say i'm still trying to move on..but i'm doing fine i guess..and i hope..hmmm..why did i say hope eh...hmm..ha..
anyway i'll always be here for u dear gal......
don't need to say sorry...
just be strong..learn to put down slowly...
yes, the road may seem hard but don't doubt yourself gal..
if you ever do..always remember i'm here and HE is too..
take care sis...
this is all i ask from you...

I AM ANGRY....haiz...

why...dunno what to say..dunno what to do...

hey,
finally manange to change my blog song to this current one..it's a christian song
find it very meaning...very true..

title of song: you carried me

yes, you did....
you carry me through all of my trials..
you carry me when i was troubled and alone..
when my strength has gone ...couldn't get along, without you
you carry me so i wouldn't stumbled..
you carry me just when i needed someone else..
you would be a fren..
and i reach the end..
cos you carry me....

i hope everything is over...
it's really time to let go...

you should too...
pls take good care of yourself...
do not ponder about the past le..
you have to move on too...

Dear sis..glad we finally took the first step to move on too...
lets work together ya...
take care gal...

it's been a while since i cried.....feeling the sour-ness in my heart..again..
things always happen when i thought it's getting better...WHY!!!!

i simply just hate myself..

do not hurt yourself gal...wont feel good to see u like tt..not forcing u to solve ur prob immediately
just dun wan u to make urself feel so xin ku..i know it's hard..it's always hard to let go or should i say pour out your feeling...but...ya..takes time...pls dun let urself suffer...
Pray about it..

a week is gone...again...so fast ya...
weekends are always short...i wonder why...hmm..haha..
well...i'm feeling quite alright now...
Thank you guys for your care and concern...
Thank you my dearest sis...
Thank you dear father...strengthen my faith..strengthen me...

hmm...mum went to my church today...kinda happy...
*Praise the Lord*
hope she likes my church...=)
hope she will feel more comfortable here...

went to celebrate Yingyou birthday after church...
reallly feel very nice to be with friends again man...lots of things to crap about..
we were eating at a cafe in cinileisure...food there not bad...$$ also quite reasonable..
will go back there to eat one day..=)
hmm..bought a earring too..haha..long long time since i wear one..ha..

Take care my frens...all of you...one mth of SIP is over..4 more to go...jia you ppl!!!
Take care sis too..
will pray GOD to be with you all times ya...
watching over you...pour all your worries and trouble unto HIM ya..
HE will help you through...
keeping you in my prayer..

I thank you for bringing her into my life..just like an angle..looking after me..

i thank her...for her patience...for her care and concern...for her willingness to share my burden..
i thank her for not leaving me alone..
thank you very much...
no sorry indeed...should be between us..
but still...i'm sorry for being so stubborn..i'm sorry for making u hurtful seeing me like that..
i know you have been trying hard to "wake me up"..i know..and i appreciated that..
i will cont. to search for my smile...cont. to search for my faith..
pls always be by my side like i will always be by yours...

timid and afraid you can be..but i'm always here..if u need anything..or anyone..
what i said may not be right..but i just hope u will be alright soon....
i do not know how to help you..i can only give you my point of view...
i do not want to see you putting all the prob onto yourself..but to say it out..
i want to be by your side when u are down..
i do not want to be kept in the dark...i want to..be like you..allow me to share your burdens too...
i pray and asked that HE will guide you and help you through this period of time...
i really hope HE will...

Thank you very much...for being here for me..
Thank you very much...for not giving up hope in me but instead..kept trying hard to "wake me up"
Thank you very much...my dear sis...

walked home today..again..
that's all i wanna say..
take care people..

losing my faith in you...
i'm tired..

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.

hello guys,
how is everyone?
hmm..i'm still at the immunology section..next week then change to biochem..eh..
nothing much to update about SIP..everyday do the same thing..but i labelled samples for this two days...to me, that's the easiest..ha..but my back ache like mad..how i wish someone can help me massage man..haiz..

hmmm...have been emotion-less recently...or rather... i wish i could be emotion less..
someone asked me a question again..." have you regret..letting go your bf..".and .." why did you chose club and fren but not him..?"
i gave a thought and said:" ya..i did...i did regret.."..but i dunno how to answer the second question..
i guess he is rite...being in the club is something i like..i'm doing things i like..i guess i'm not matured enough to handle so many committment..i regret not balancing my time well..i regret not being a good gf..i regret for what i have done to him..
haiz..if we were still together...today will be our 23rd month plus 2days anniversary..but it isn't...3 more days will be 2 months...it has been two months since i last see him...i do miss you you know?...but i can only miss you now..you said the joanne you know is gone already...i dunno how to answer you..i dunno what to response...all i know is i can only miss you now...i miss your hugs..your kisses...your tenderness...your care and concern..your love..
today i walked home from tampines interchange...ya..i walked and run back..
just feel like running...i ran to tuesday training place..
was hoping i could see him...just wanna peep at him...see how is he..
was hiding when i reach..heart was pumping fast..partly cos i run..partly cos i'm afraid he will see me..but but but..he no longer teach there anymore...hmmm...so sad...so..dunno how to describe...
how have you been...how are you??...

dun need to say sorry my dear sis...if you were sorry..then i am too...i didn't notice you were feeling down too gal..
i didn't wanna tell you i'm not feeling good cos i know u will be worried...hmmm...but if both of us have the same thinking...not wanting to make each other worried...then i think we are not being true with each other rite?..you understand?..but again..i said b4 i'll try to understand you....i'll be patient and etc..wait till you wanna share then tell me..haiz..i also dunno how to say ar..think you should understand ba?..hmm..
dunno what trigger you to think of the past again...but hope you are fine... i'll be around if you need someone k...always will be...ake care too..

the world is so small.
one of the ex TP student working in my attachment place learn tkd too.
and her ex bf was someone we know...and the people we knows she knows too..
she say maybe she saw me in one of the tournaments b4..eh..
there it goes...trigger my mind to think of the past again..

she asked if i'm still training...i say no and she ask why..haiz...i must say the reason i'm in tkd is becos of him..most of it is becos of him..but i do like tkd..like it when after training i'm perpiring like mad..nice..i miss the training days..i really do..the sound from the target after kicking..the satification after kicking your opponent head..the fulfillment after breaking a plank...the dangerous stunts we performed...together...so nice to have a couple performing together rite...haiz...

someone asked me...if i were given a chance to get back with him...will i do it?
i said no...becos i know i will hurt him again...
he replied...meaning you still care for him alot rite...
and i guess..ya..i still care for him alot..

that person asked me that question on the bus..and i cried..i'm sitting facing the back of the bus..and i cried..so ma lu...then i faster get down the bus and walked home..
was crying while walking...
then i went to the small park near my house...and cried there...
feel the urge to call him...but i dare not...i dare not face him...i just feel so sorry for what i've done...
i'm really sorry...

hello..
i'll be tranfered to biochemistry section next week onwards for 3weeks .
kinda sad cos i'll miss doing what i'm doing now..eh.
just got the hand of it ar..then need to change section le.

i'm very tired recently.. guessed its becos i've loss too much water on saturday night..
didn't sleep well too..

i worried too..SIP...MP..ASc..feeling the stress le...guess it me...always worrying and giving myself stress...
at this state i am now..i'm not able to cope...i'm tearing apart le.
i did distribute work to other members and i know you guys are great but i'm still worried.
after reaching home after work...i will need to check mail...reply mail..
not many things to do now for club but in my mind..like alot...shucky feeling..
ASc is going full force with 5 advisors now..i think..eh...
Hope we will be able to fulfill the goal i set this AY...or am i expecting too much?..
i wan to do more solid projects but can't think of any...haiz..

I'm always too lazy to do research after work for my MP...shuck again...sat meeting up le..zero infor now...JOanne ar..can you start doing work?...PBL that time also like that..now MP also..MP 8 cu ar...GPA drop until like that already(comparing to myself) still dun wanna work hard..
haiz..

both of us noe that we can't get back together unless i change back to who i am in the past...
why...why did i change to a person like that with such charactor now...selfish..amibitous..irresponsible...
i'm too lazy to do anything...i'm drifting apart again...

hello...
no mood to blog recently..
so sorry...
but everything is fine...physically...but not emotionally...
my SIP is good..people there are nice and funny...
getting used to my rountine work already..
do manual test...do until the thumb cramp cos need to keep pressing the pipette up and down to do serial dilution...sort sample..label sample...centrifuge..do testing..keep sample...
next week will be busy week cos my lab doing some project with KK hosp...then not enough ppl...so i'm transfered to the biochemistry side for 3days...to VDRL testing..done it at the Immuno section le..so i guess i'll be alright..
my section head very funny...suddenly one day ask my three other frens working there " where is Joanne...i miss her.."...oh my...now my frens kept making fun of me..say she's my god mother...
then today..she sms another immuno collegue..." Fendi (the person name), where is Joanne?"..ha..i dunno what time she mesg Fendi...but it's either i'm outside buying food or finish eating lunch went back to work le..eh..so funny...at first see her very fierce one ...dun dare to talk to her but now..hmm...starting to talk and joke le..
but after a week...we will rotate le..dunno what section i'm going next..
oh ya...next week got 4 Singapore Ploy year 2 students coming for attachment but only for a mth...what are they going to learn man..anyway...hope it will be fun..

i'm sorry..really very sorry..i know it's my fault that everything turn out this way...if i knew this is going to happen...i won't even wanna start and in the end hurt you so much...
but i do have wonderful time with you...never regret being with you..but i'm sorry i've hurt you...
many memories came back recently...where i go..what i do...i can't stop..when i saw couple..i will think even more..think of the past..what we do..where we go..
something is making it worst...just can't stop thinking and blaming myself...why...the only time i'm not thinking is when i'm working...SHUCK...but i'm too tired to work too...

my back is aching..my legs are hurting..my heart is tearing...

yoz ppl!!
first day of SIP...hmm..not bad...
many foreigner worker there...didn't really talk to them yet..
except for the guy guiding me...FENDI___..he's a indonesian ar..then got Willie..ex Tp student..got a few others also ex Tp one..eh..
was posted to the immunology section-test for HIV, syphillis and etc..yea..meaning i'm dealing with blood that may contain such virus..ha..but i haven touch those sample yet ar...tried 2 tests today..those agglutination one..learn abit bout the machine...
then afternoon..sort out sample..got stool sample..pus..swab..blood...lihuey saw green urine..eh..she today observe the microscope for malaria parasite..using the QBC technique..ha...sound familiar ya..kk..
but i afternoon got nothing to do after sorting the sample...whole day reading the SOP and manual until i sian man..
hope tml got things to do ba..
hmm...kinda sad...cos next week will be working from 1pm-9pm everyday..sat also need to work..1pm-5pm..haiz..what a weird timing...cannot slack with other frens..hmm..anyway..just hope i'll learn many many things from there...
all the best ppl...

something is bothering me...i cannot get it out of my mind...the feeling is shucky!!!
haiz...
wish i could turn back time...

SIP tml..oh..i mean later in the morning..but i'm still here online..haha..so fan jian...
waking up at 5.45am tml..meaning i got 4hrs plus to sleep later..
lets hope everything will go smoothly...

why am i thinking about such stuff now..i dun get it..why now...why make me think of it..
Arg...

*trying hard to sleep*

hello guys,
don't have the mood to blog anything recently.
going for attachment soon..this coming monday at 8.30am..
will need to take a 15mins bus ride to interchange then a 50mins MRT ride to Buona Vista then another 10mins bus ride to reach my attachment place..hmm..
quite worried actually..besides SIP we still need to do our Major Project..
each has report and logbook to do...interviews and etc.

doubting my ability..i shouldn't be but i am...
take care my dear frens out there...
treasure the time in school...studying is still the best thing...
treasure the frens you have made in your life...frens that clique are hard to find..
treasure your love ones too...

*best wishes to all*

helLo guys!!
i'm back from night cycling!!..haha..SHIOK!!..but butt super pain now ar..haha..
cos i and emily using own bike..so we cycle from tampines to east coast to meet 9 other frens..then cycle from east coast to SERAGOON!!!..haha..first time cycling so far man..then ate prata and cycle back to east coast again...reach there around 5am..then slack and rest till 7plus go home..haha..yeah..will be waiting for another one man..but i think hard le ar..cos i'm going attachment next monday le...OMG!!

kk..i'm posted to doctorslab Diagnostic Pte. Ltd...at Buona Vista..haha...science park..haha...so far ar!!!...got 3other frens same as me...monday report 8.30am...super early ar!!!...kk..anyway..really hope everything will be fine..and smooth...still have to do Major Project alson...alot of things to do for Major Project lei...hai...

hao le..i tired le...gonna go orh orh le...
those fren who are posted to places you dun wan to go...dun be sad k...
take care frens..

yoz!!..
hmm...let me see...friday went back to school to discuss bout club stuff then in school saw one of the ex-ASc member..lester..the first batch one..hmm..talked for 1 hour....then didn't meet sis..so sorry ya..hee..
well..asked him for advise..bout organising solid project and etc...eh..yea..nice chat with him..
think ASc is really an amazing club..really let ppl get bonded to it..get bonded to the people in there...it's the passion that we all have man..

sat: stayed at home the whole day...watch GUNDAM..again..ha..and pack my room..
pack school stuff...club stuff and
our stuff...sob sob..cried..cos i took out everything he gave me..and memories just flow and flow and flow...now..there are saved in a box...except those soft toys..very sad...those cards he made..those stars he folded..those movie we watched..and one cd of our photos and the "love me" song he created..the braclet and watches he gave and flowers...bears..haiz..it's all over le...
hope he is getting better...really hope so...

sun: went church then had class..very interesting class..=)..then went chilling out with sis..ha...walk until dunno where to walk...walk until leg pain sia..ha..then i bought two tops and a water bottle..past few days i bought a short and a converse top..ahha...i learning to buy clothes le!!..haha..okok..must control..but i still wan more clothes and jeans and short..and..ha..kk..

tml going back to sec school..gonna meet up with two of my teachers..so excited...very long never see them le...then meeting a secondary school fren..he is going to pass me my birthday present..eh..yea..
looking forward for tuesday to come man ...first: i will know where i will be posted to for SIP...second: i'm going for NIGHT CYCLING!!..haha..yea yea..happy happy..
i still wanna go Sentosa one lei..before SIP starts..dunno got chance ornot..aiyaya...kk..
i shall end le man...type so long le...
pray hard i wont be sick man....my nose are running now sia...hmm..kk
take care my frens...

*chasing back my nose.. -_-''' *

yoz ppl!!
today KBOX was FUN!!..haha...
quite hyper at the beginning..sing and clap and move move body...
very happy to see all of them...together..ha..got 16 of us went..the room super big..
i think i sound very man now..ha..cos abit no voice le..

alright..mood start to change after they sang the xuen ze duet song..i almost cried...
we always sing that song when we go Kbox...the lyrics...tt time when i sing..i really sang from the bottom of my heart...but i broke the promise..come to think of it...the relationship will end up like that is really becos of me...u really should not think of me anymore..not worth it...Argg...

then after awhile..tried hypering up again..but i guess i'm abit tired too..so no strength le..ha..
It's great to see yanming...peiling and fad again man...miss ya so much...
take care yangming and fad...you two going to become MAN soon ya..haha...
train hard..slack hard...rest well..eat well...haha..
see you guys after 3weeks!!!

hEy gUys!!
finally, it's over...last exam paper in TP...finished!..kinda happy but sad too..
studying is really the best thing in life...even though i haven start work yet but i do know working is boring..aiyaya..
still thinking whether to cont. studying or work first.. some of my frens are checking out on oversea Uni and etc le...i here still slacking..alamak...see SIP how first ba..haiz..

went to cut and highlight my hair yesterday...yup yesterday..ha...my frens were like..WHAT..you so RELAX ar..ha..then..i wore skirt to school today..HAHA..
first time wear to school..the other time i changed in school..that's for my AY04/05 AGM one..this time round is wear to school..ha..
so jing zhang in the morning...dunno is jing zhang for my paper or cos i pai sei i wear skirt..
anyway...there are many iNterEsting remarks..ha..got ppl say i AA=attract attention..got ppl came to ask me for 4 numbers ..they wanna buy 4D...some say the pigs are flying..got one gal say...will fall in love with me..hAhA..
of cos got ppl say i pretty and cute ar..ops..ha..kk...i shall stop here le..ha..*flying flying*..ha..

After paper went out with emily and sheewee..to cineleisure watch HERBIE FULLY LOADED..ha..very nice show..very funny and cute..but i teared in there also..ha..got some sad part ba...yup..i teared easily..eh..
cineleisure...hmm...many memorises again..the coke mini cafe..the cinema..hmm..kk..
after that went to IKEA..the food there is nice..the cheesecake is great..ha..
have a great time there...eh..
tml going Kbox..hope will be fun too..

alRight..that's all for now...
take care ppl...miss yA guYs so much...

All the best for your tml paper...good luck..