guess i've said this many times.
this will be the last..
i'm sorry...sorry for holding onto you..
i'll let go..i'll move on..
pls take care..
i'm really sorry...

what am i suppose to do now....

hello ppl...
been awhile since i blog eh...yea...
been busy...busy shopping!!!...haha...
first time buying presents during christmas...ha...

dunno what to blog too..now alone at home...parents coming backing tml le..so fast...
did enjoy myself over at sis place..and thanks for coming over too..
though we did nothing special...but ya..thanks gal...

chatted with him from bedok mrt station to my work place yesterday...blur me still thought i'm still her gf...said something like..." you dunno your gf is like...."...didn't realise until he "HUH" very loud..eh...
went over to his place too...to do some stuff..after tt he sent me home..to my doorstep..thank you ya...
felt a little sour after he left...at that moment..wanna just gave him a hug so much..but i can't...
haiz...
feeling a little down now...haiz...
i'll be fine tml...i'll be fine..
that's all ..that's all...

2more days...
i'm still feeling funny..oh man..
parents going to malaysia to visit my grandma..
can't go...guess i'm starting to "forgive" my grandma now..
kinda worried i wont have the chance to see her too..just like my the other grandma..
still regret...missing her...

how are you grandma?....is heaven a nice place to be?...are you fine above there?
Please watch over us grandma...i miss you..

hope my grandma in malaysia is doing fine..the last time i saw her..she really look very old and getting weak already..oh man..so worried..

mum, dad...pls look after yourselves when you are away...pls take care...
same to you brother...
i dunno how to express myself..but i really do care...

Pls watch over them...

hope things are getting better for you too sis..

i'm still kinda lost though...it's over...haiz..

four more days...to start a new life...
aM i reAdy foR it...??

our story...really end now....you are far beyond my reach already..
Blame it on myself for not cherishing you...
if we are meant to be together..no matter how far you go..you will still come back..
let's see...if we are fated...eh...
life still have to go on...i know..i understand...
i'm sad..cos it's really over..but i'll be alright soon...real soon..cos no matter how sad i am..things aren't going to change so what's the point of being sad...

i'm letting go..i'm moving on...there will be another barrier for me to overcome b4 i could really start a new life..or to be specific..start a new relationship..eh...but it's not important now..i got no time to think about it too...

moving on ppl...moving on...

this entry is for u....

always hope we could get back together in the future...that's what keep me strong for the past few weeks...
but my hope is vanished...you are really gone...

i wanted so badly to have you back at that very instance...but i can't...i can't give you much now...cos i dun even have time for myself...you will still be unhappy with me...

i realised i cannot do anything now...
you already moved on..and it seems that you are really determine to cont. that journey..with the gal...
the thought of you treating her nice and good... just like in the past how you treat me.. just hurts me everytime i think about it...i'm selfish..i only want you to be mine..
but i know these are all in the past already...it's over...
i didn't treasure you that time...ya..i admit it..
i'm the one who wan the break up...and ask you to move on and find another gal...but i didn't say those words without any emotion..i said those words with sadness and uncertainty...i still care about you after the break up..that's why i kept asking our friends to look after you and kept asking them how are you?

i didn't you to move on so fast...cos i thought you wont..you will wait...but i was wrong once again..
this news bout you and her really shocked me...i went crazy after knowing it..i scold your frens and pester them..i don't even wanna believed what they said...
but know...i guess you really likes her..and she too..
but, pls rem...bothof you just had a broken relationship...any care and concern give by others can be misunderstood as liking or even love...pls think about it b4 you move any further...
i'm not trying to stop you two from moving on..
but i really hope if you are to find a girl now..she will really love you and not one who just "make use" of you out of loneliness...

really hope u can be happy..i'm sorry i've ended everything just like that...it's really a waste..
i'm sorry...
there is nothing much i can do now but to give you my blessing...
tell you frankly, i'm feeling very sad now...i cried every night for the past few days..i'm just not ready..
i understand it's no use talking about the past now but they are just my thought...
pls take care ..pls take care....

my heart hurts now...it's sour again...my tears are flowing again..i need someone now...

*guess he is really gone...*

going to work soon...
i'm so bored..even though i have tons and tons of stuff to do..oh man..
can someone just kill me and let me REST in peace..
really wondering how long i can last before i finally break down...
i don't wan to care bout so many stuff anymore..can someone replace my role here...
it's so tiring..

am i doing the right thing?...i don't even have time for myself man..have i chosen the right path..
so tiring..so tiring...studies is still important..i know..but it's so hard to balance my time..guess i'm BAD in managing time...

it will be a new beginning...everything is planned for me...eh...but what is being planned?..can i know now?...i just don't wanna carry on this journey not knowing what's is being planned ahead for me..i have to have faith and be patient and wait..but i'm a faithless creature...i'm an anxious person..can you show me a clearer direction where to go on...i'm lost now...

life is so unmeaningful now...

are we sharing lesser and lesser stuff to each other...maybe yes maybe no...but no matter what...i still care alot...cheer up too gal...

*walking aimlessly*

hmm...hope i'm feeling better now...i also dunno what i'm feeling...
sometimes i just wish that there is another person...one who is in the club and also on SIP ...having the same passion as i have for it...
then maybe he/she will understand how i am feeling now...
haiz...

not saying you guys don't understand how i'm feeling...but i guess there is a difference ba...when you are in the club and when you are not...i'm not complaining..just miss you guys...
know you guys miss the club sometimes too but ya...ASc is where we met each other..and we become so close...those are good memories..memories we will always remember...don't be too sad..
though i really miss having you guys with me...
felt tt i have more responsibility now..cos most of them..all should i say all except one is my batch...last sem was totally diff...when i worked with you guys, i work like a member..now i work more like a leader...aiya..dunno what i'm talking again...nvm...
whatever it is..ASc is one club i've put my bloodshed effort to it...always worrying i will ruin it..but i hope this time round..i'll make ASc grow stronger again...
we have a aim..lets works towards it....

*hanging-on....*

why...Why...WHy..WHY...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm tired..really tired...give me a break man!!

why do i have such character...can i just dun care...oh man...i'm caring too much..i'm making myself too stress...oh man oh man oh man..lEt me DIE...

one prob after the other...i'll get heart attack sooner or later man...i think sooner better...die faster...dun need care bout ALL the problems!!!!..

i'm going crazy...No..i'm crazy now...arhhhhhh....whY...wHY....WHY!!!!!!!
HAIZ....

i just feEl liKe cRying OUT LOUD!!!...but i got nO teArs....heArt so sOur but caN't cry...

i'll be alright...i will be...i have to be...*

i'm going crazy...i'M goiNg crazy...I'M GOINg CraZy...I"M GOING CRAZY....AHHHHHHHHH!!!